how long a secret can stay a secret?

well..well.. when i thought everything is over, and i'm fine with it, that is when everything starts to be clear and making its way...

remember about the crush i had with this guy i called anuar zain i think, or AZ, can't remmber which one.. hehe.. well, remember him? ok, let's recall, the last i heard was about him liking or having something going on with this girl that i know from somewhere..

so, the story goes on from there.. i know that i can get over this guy pretty easily cos maybe because i'm still at the early stage of liking him, and i didn't put any hopes on him at all, so letting him pass was a piece of cake..

but, something made me stay.. hehe.. yesterday, me n my sis, n a few of her classmates went on a trip to some place.. and some people said that AZ might be coming with his friends, and i don't really care.. but the rest of them were hoping that if he did plan to join them all, please don't bring 'that girl' along.. lol.. and who was the emotional people now.. hehee..

and only until late at night, when we planned to surprise one of my sis' classmates with some surprise belated birthday thing, he n his friends came too.. n lucky them(or maybe it should be lucky me) cos 'that girl' didn't come.. huhuhu.. and one of his close friend's gf are a friend of mine too.. so, we started talking..

until my sis thought of why not just spilling it out to them or that friend of mine.. cos AZ kept on asking her who's the girl that my sis talked about having a crush on him... and the funny part was, and it should be a red-faced moments when some of my sis' frens giving hints that are pretty obvious if you're a fast observer.. hehehe..

so, i told my fren about him, and she was shocked that she never thought that i will be liking him.. lol.. much surprise..?? hmm.. i don't know.. i guess so..
then, she said, it is somehow a bit too late now.. n she asked me why didn't i make any moves earlier.. but the thing is, i don't see the need of telling him, i don;t know why.. hehehe..

but the whole night, i didn't really bother about his existence there as i was busy taking people's pics all around.. heheh.. seriously, i didn't bother, and i didn't think of him much that night, eventhough he was right in front of me..
i think all the hints started to make him think about the possibility that the admirer was me, cos when sometime i turned aronf and met his eyes, i saw him looking at me... i think! lol..

ok, by the end of the night, my friend's bf whom is a close friend to him (like i said earlier) was also informed about the whole admiring thing and who the girl is.. lol..

so, the next day, on the way back to cyberjaya, one of his friend(another friend of his) carpooled us back.. and obviously, on the way back home, it was 80% conversation about him, and obviously after awhile he can guessed who the girl is*pointing at myself*.. lol..

and seriously, i don't care!!! lol.. so then we went to lunch, and supposedly he joined us, but he didn't cos he overslept or soemthing like that..

n when we finished eating, my sis called him to ask him something, and then she brought up about him not joining us for lunch.. and she said she thought of telling him who's the girl during lunch and she even brought the girl there.. lol..

he said after the friday's prayer he wanna meet up with them all to jus hang out or something like that..

before i said anything, i'm not nervous at all about him knowing it, because he had someone more important now, or that's what we thought, that for me, wethre he knows about it or not, it makes no difference.. and for me, the idea of meeting up with him, was not that interesting for me, cos i pity the friend who car pooled with us cos he wanted to go home, of course.. hehe..

but because of lack of sleep and we're super tired, at the end, me, mamu, and that friend slept at lin's place while she was buzy packing up.. lol..

and i didn't realise when, but my sis n lin went out and met up with him and talked about this..lol.. and my sis said he played with my MR DYDY.. lol..

and apart from that, yes the secret is no longer a secret cos he knew about it already now..

regrets..?? nervous..?? hmm.. i didn't know what i should feel.. i didn't feel anything actually.. i seriously don;t know why.. we even went out for a movie after that sort-of-confession by my sis about me to him..

went to watch terminator salvation, but we went in earlier and our seats are one row behind their row( he n his friends).. oh, n guess what.?? he bought 'that gir;' too!! hahaha.. n mamu was super furious..

he was not focus watchin the show, cos he kept on checking the two of them.. lol.. and i was minding my own business, watcing that movie peacefully, withoug even thinking about him.. lol..

and the best part was the part when we went out after one hour of the show.. ahahahaha.. firstly, because mamu couldn't stand looking at the 2 of them, eventhough they're not doing anything... and secondly, my sis was not njoying the movie too.. plus, we need to get home, cos it's getting late and we were having some family dinner tonight..

so, i don't mind anything.. and it never hit me that that miht be the last time i will see him again, cos they're graduating now.. hmmm.. so, what should i be feeling..?? sad..?? happy..?? nervous..??? but the real thing is, i'm not feeling anything.. lol

GOOD LUCK NIK AQILAH

have u ever watched a movie called GOOD LUCK CHUCK? well, i'm sure u guys did!

nope, i'm not talking about that movie, nor am i saying that i just watched that movie. i wanna talk about the synopsis of the movie, and to be exact, about the CHUCK's character.. (n surely when i say chuck, ppl will be reminded by chuck as in gossip girl chuck!)

in that movie, chuck is a guy who is some sort of cursed. the curse was every girl that he ever slept with, will end up finding or meeting their soulmates right after that.. i feel that character is sooo totally like me at this moment, minus, the sleeping part of course! lol..

but in my case, the guys only need me to like him or him liking me, n VOILA! u'll get yourself a soulmate or a new gf after that... it's proven and i have a record for that.. can't recall how many guys have succeeded in getting the girl of their dreams, indirectly because of me.. i know a few of them, and i'm sure that there's also a few of them that i don't know..

u know why? i've realised this this past few months.. ever since schooldays, if i like someone, or i get together with someone, when we broke off or i rejected him, or in some cases, i got rejected (boohoo me.. lol), after that, in less than a year since that day, he will ultimately find the girl of his dreams.. yeap, n no one thanked me for that! imagine if i continue liking him or we continue our relationship, u will never meet that girl! pfft!

n now, i know it's coming back to me again.. cos in this past one month plus, the guy that i used to like, or the guy that i like currently had just go together with a girl.. ok, the guy that i used to like, got together with a girl.. the guy that i currenlty like, is actually getting to know this one girl.. unbelievable, how good am i! the guy that i'm liking now, naming, anuar zain that i used to mention before this, is currently getting to know a girl! can u believe, he didn't have a gf, or even had a cruch on any girl before this, and suddenly taraa!! he is getting to know this one girl.. and i'm sure once i get over him perfectly, they'll be together.. woohoo!! (haihh) lol..

i'm neither heartbroken, nor sad.. i feel free in a way.. free from this list of guys that me n reena created, which none of them really do exist in my life.. lol..

so, guys out there, if u want to fnd your soulmate, come n look for me.. play around with my heart, n u'll get urself a brand new girl, whom she can be ur perfect wife in the future! yeay! any heartbroken incidents that occurs r no one to be at fault, n it can be mended by itself..

hmmm.. maybe i should start charging this people, cos my heart will surely be damaged when there's so many guys around.. hmmm..

a week to remember

i'll start off this time with a long sigh.. *siiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhh*..
it's been a very..very..long week for me.. been studying in the library this whole week.. (really..?? study..?? lol).. well, a part from studying of course there's some reason for it.. lol

yes, like i told u guys before about this "anuar zain" guy.. well, i guess, today is the last day for me to see him in campus anymore.. cos he'll be graduating after this.. *sob*sob*.. i don't know just feel like it.. i just feel like i'm not gonna see him anymore.. enough of seeing him every day at the library, but now... *sigh*

i'm neither sad nor happy.. but i don't know.. it felt like the old days again.. when i will have this crush on someone, and normally the crush will occur when i know we will end up going our own separate ways.. like during school time.. i had this so-called get to knwo this guy a few weeks before i'm leaving penang to go back schooling in kl.. n at the end of form 5, i have this huge crush on this guy, and we went our own separate ways after we grad high school.. same goes to foundation year, when i have another huge crush on this one guy, and now, we still see each other around, but not as frequent as last time, and the feelings are obviously over...

and now, right this moment.. why am i in this position over and over again.. i hate to feel this, and i was scared that i will feel like this at the end of the day, eventhough when it started off, it's just a fooling around thng with my sister.. gosh! why did i jump into that mud and got stuck in it alone..???

wait..wait.. let me get this straight.. like i said, i'm not sad, and of course i'm not in a big desperation.. its not to the level of me feeling like crying or whatsoever.. just feel like, well.. there goes my chance of knowing another great guy..

oh, didn't i tell u.. almost half of my sister's classmates know about this so-called crush thing.. well, it's not obvious, but it somehow slip, and voila! everyone knows about it, but him.. ngeh3..

i think for now, what i really wanna say to him is that thank you for making this past few weeks a great one for me.. not great as in like we hang out or anything like that.. but, thanks for making me laugh around, and feel excited about seeing him around.. never felt that for quite some time now, since bgb.. lol..

ok, i've had enough of this melodrama thing.. bac to normal life... ~grrrrrr~

ku ku i i i...kau kau you you you!

something sweet happened this week for me.. so, in a way it's a sweet scene for me this week.. get it..?? sweetsourscene..?? sweet scene..?? oh, forget it! lol..
what's happening..?? hmm.. i don't know where to start but i'm feeling like my real true self are coming and coming out bit by bit.. n i'm loving it..!!

haha.. all this while, i was busy searching for it, but i didn't realise that all this while i was actually searching it in the dark.. never thought of looking for the light.. but now, i've found the switch to turned it on, so i'm back baby!!! hahaha..

ok..ok.. what the hell am i feeling right now, would be ur ultimate question.. i'm feeling rather happy cos at least i know how my life are slowly leading me to.. ok..ok.. there's a guy in particular of course.. hihihihi.. i shy la!! lol.. when i saw him the first time, i thought to myself, hmm.. he's kinda cute.. and that's it.. never thought of anything more, bcos normally all this cute guys will definitely have a gf or someone special.. just like how people thought i have someone special in my life when all this while i'm open for everyone.. lol..

however, it turned out that he IS SINGLE.. of course, i found it out from his classmate.. hehehe.. so, ever since then, i always love to disturb and make this classmate's of his life with all my obsession towards him.. lol.. ok..ok.. let's give him a name.. let's call him ANUAR ZAIN or zain.. ok..ok.. i know it's a bit cliche to hear this.. i have another name for him actually, but i think, that name is starting to get pretty obvious each day.. lol..

anyway, to get things clear, i'm not that into him, ok! it's just a way of getting in the nerves of his classmate that i know, and of course simply to put colours in my life.. and that classmate of his told a few of her friends, so, yeah, it's no secret to some people.. hahaha.. but it's good actually.. at least i can have more fun fooling around.. hahaha..

and there are times when these other friends helped me out to get to know him more.. ok, maybe not to get to know him more, just simply making him notice my existence.. hehehe..

and actually, this ffoling around thing with zain actually helped me boost up my confidence to look straight in BGB's eyes and gie him the smile.. hahaha.. wait, u'll be wondering who's BGB now.. i'm not sure if i ever talked about him before, but this guy is actually a guy that i know since the first day of class in cyberjaya campus.. ok, not really know him.. we've been introduced that one time, and that's it.. but the thing is, when we were introduced, i didn't get his name! and that's why BGB came in.. where did i get the name, don't ask me! ask reena! she came out with it..

so, yeah, practically since the first sem, we saw each other alot around campus, especially at the library.. hihihi.. but we never actually talked to each other.. it's this MALU TAPI MAHU situtation where u want it, but ur shy to make the first move.. hahaha.. but it's actually funny cos i can't look at him directly in the eyes, and i'm not sure about his side.. and i don't mean to brag or perasan, but i sensed something there between us, but we never did anything.. hehehe..

so, yea, back to the zain story.. when i managed to talk to zain, which is kinda cool cos i didn't blush or anything.. what am i saying..?? it's a good sign actually that i'm not blushing cos the whole thing will be screwed if i ever blush at that particular time.. hehehe..

so, after talking to zain, i saw bgb.. i don't know where i found it, but, i found my confidence to look at him and maybe smiled at him.. a friendly smile is enough right..?? lol.. this is again reena's fault.. well, anything to do with bgb will only involve reena cos she's the reason any of this happening.. hahah..

so, yeah, i tried looking to his eyes, but his not keeping his gaze, so, i did my part actually!!! hahahhaa.. and i even smiled.. hahaha.. ok..ok..stop with this nonsense now..

practically, what i wanna say is that, i'm not currently looking for a serious relationship.. maybe in the future.. maybe even tomorrow.. just going with the flow.. it's more fun like that.. it's like watching movies, u can't wait for what's gnna happen next till it come to the ending.. hihihi..

i'm not hoping for a happy ending from any of the guys in my life, wether it's bgb, zain, or a few other guys that come along the way.. it's all the GOD's work and i leave it up everything to HIM to make me help with my life..

like my friends were saying, i'm keeping my options open.. whoever comes first and capture my heart, then i'll be all theirs.. but if they think that i'll keep on waiting..and waiting.. well, u can dream on.. cos i fall fast, and i get up fast.. if ure late, then bye bye for getting my heart, and hello, for being a new friend..

oh, a friendly reminder to some guys.. do not ask me what u should do.. do just what u want and feel right, cos that will make me feel appreciated more than asking me if i'm ok with every single thing do every single time..
ehehehhee..
ok, really need to study for finals now.. never thought that i'll open up about this issue here right now, when i wanna have my exams in less than a week!! gaaaahh!!!

prom 09

now, the next post would be about prom night, which was 2 days after my performance for festival tari.. yes, it was one hectic week for me, thank u!! hehe..

ok, right back to the prom.. i went there with reena, my sis( which she actually should be sitting with her friends, seriously!), nitasha, martin n ivan.. rema n arun were there too, but they sat at a drifferent table.. =(

started off with getting our hair ready at a salon in summit.. it was a very interesting one, because the guy who did our hair is actually a proffesional hairdresser, and he did a lot of famous local celebrities' hair.. ooo.. i like.. it's like i'm a very famous person all of a sudden.. hehe..
i didn't do much with my hair except for straightening it.. hihi..

not a very good picture of me actually, but the important thing is the hair.. hehe

after getting our hair done, me n my sis went to reena's house to get ready.. it was pretty late actually cos what's with the traffic jam around 6 in subang.. OMG!! luckily we made it on time.. n luckily we managed to get ready on time..

funny thing atreena's place was when we're leaving.. there's some relatives at her place, and when we went down, everyone was saying they all look good and stuff like that.. it felt really like prom night, where ur parents were vey proud of their daughter or son going to go for prom,and taking pics and all.. haha.. don't get me wrong.. it was a good feeling.. hehehe...

and then when we arrived there, people started to register theirselves at the counter, and acir helped us with the registration thing, cos the event was about to start...



me n ivan, oh with reena at the back.. people say if reena was not at the back it will be a great pic.. lol.. sorry reena.. =p




martin got lucky that night.. lol.. JK!!

and when we went in, we get in our seats.. too bad nits and martin was at a different table from us, which was right behind us.. huhuhu.. but, luckily, there's two empty seats at our table, so they join in our table.. yeay!!! muahahah..

so, then it's time for food.. they served chinese food, which was superb.. the food was awesome.. but too bad we were not really into eating that night.. of course, it's prom, baby!! we wanna dance.. lol




AWESOME FOOD!!!!!!

oh there's this one time, a band, i can't recall what they are called, but they were playing dancing in the moonlight.. and that was my all time favourite song, seriously!!!! everytime i listened to that song, i can get butterflies.. hahaha.. so, me n ivan was super excited listening that song,and so ivan suggested that we go to the dance floor and dance.. screw the food! lol

and it was awesome.. the feeling at that time.. not really good in ballroom dancing and stuff like that, but what the heck.. luckily not many people were watching.. hehe..

after that song, we got back to our seats, and the wole night was more about taking pics and less of eating.. hahaha..

ok, so here's some of my favourite shots during that event..




us girls~ looking deliciously gorgeous... lol..




us~loving this pic cos it looks like some CK ad campaign.. hmmm.. and some say it can be a cover album for our band.. haha...dream on! ~edited by ivan




another CK ad campaign, perhaps..?? lol..

overall, the whole night was an awesome night.. went to MOS after the prom, cos we got free access tickets.. woohoo..
so, the place were filled with mmu students wearing dresses, coats, shirts, and evrything formal.. lol..
one great night.. thanks to my sis, nits,reena, martin, ivan, rema, arun, acir, losh and everyone i know there.. thanks for being there and make this fun event even more exciting.. =)

blog updated =p

phewww.. do u know how hard it is for me toupdate this blog.. the first time i wrote it, i don't know how, it was not posted.. darn!! ok, whatever.. let's star all over gaain, ok! starting off with the events i was apart of last few weeks.. it started off with the FESTIVAL TARI PIALA TUN DR SITI HASMAH, which was a traditional dance competition among five universities, and mmu was the host for the event.. me n a few of new and senior mmu dancers was involved in the opening and closing act for the event.. the opening act was a combination of several traditional dance element in it.. there's a bit of zapin, renek, and some other dance element..



me with the costume.. yeap, it was way bigger than my size.. lol..


and then, after the opening act, we straight away went to the backstage to get ready for our closing perfromances.. yeap, it sounded like it's a long way to go, and surely we'll be ready by then.. but we didn't know how, but we ended up in a very hectic situation backstage.. what's with getting the guys ready, and helping each other with the costume.. phewww.. and if u were there, and if u notice, i left out some accessories that i was supposed to wear on my wrist and on my arms.. lol.. and the selendang that i used was a red colour one, instead of a yellow coloured one.. i couldn't find the yellow coloured one.. surely someone took it, cos kak aireen put the selendang on each chair for each dancers.. luckily i managed to find the red one, so, heck with it,just use it.. lol

but seriously, the last performance was a great one for me, i think.. what's with the support from the audiences, whom are mainly mmu students, so, surely they supported us.. hehe.. oh, i didn't mention, the last performance was a javanese dance, so there's a lot of booty shaking and what not... hahaha.. no wonder we got a huge applause from the audience.. but seriously now i understand when people said u can take the energy from the audience when ur performing.. it's true! when people was applauding us, we're more energetic to perform, and so, we performed the best among the best during the practices..

so, here's a few pictures of me after the performances.. during the performances pictures, i don't have.. i have the vids, but i have some difficulties uploading it here, so just go throught the pics, ya!!


me n kim after the whole event





nisa, kim, me n nini.. two of our audiences.. lol




reena, derryck,iffa n rema.. thanx for the support! eventho i dun brag about the event too much to u guys.. hihihihi..




me n my sis.. ngeeeeee!!!


oh, almost forgot the final pose for the closing performance!!!! love it!!!!! =)





and this will be my favourite picture of all of us.. well, not all of us really, cos there's some missed outs here.. huhuhu..

i hope this will not be too late to say but thanx evryone for coming and all the committees who did a great job..
thanx to the people right from my classmates to the people who are never in my class..
from my closest friends to the people whom i barely know..
and to my sister, to my sister's friends..

eventhough u guys didn't come for me in particular but thanks for the support for your other friends.. hihihi..