don't mess with my sisters!!

u know what..?? there's one characteristic that i notice about myself is that i am a very protective person, especially when it comes to family.. i love them soo much that if anyone, and i mean ANYONE, who messes with them, especially my younger sister, will absolutely, 100%, without doubt, will kena from me right at that moment.. i'v experienced a vey bad situation 2 years back that really hit me, and ever since that, if anyone messes with my younger sister will make me soo furious that they will have to deal with me.. let's not remind me on the situation that i experienced before this.. you might say that i am just bullshitting or jus talking on thin air, but when the real thing happenning in front of me, i would not do as what i said here.. oh, no, u got that wrong..!! i used to confront a boy who without no valid reason and being soooo immature of him saying all this crap about my sister.. well, i think if i explained here on what he said, i am surely anyone will be soo furious about it, and i guess, will do the same thing.. ughhhh!!! thinking about that boy really reminds me of the situaion i had before, cos they are two both same guys who didn't use their heads to think on what they are saying.. ughh.. i hate them!!!! not that i don't protect my older sister, but i know she don't think i'm capable of coping with any of her problems, as i am so-called younger than her and i don't have much experienced in life than her.. actually, without her knowing this, i think i know a lot of stuff about life without even having to experienced it myself.. i'm not trying to brag about this, but i think because i love to read soo much, that i think somehow, in some part i learn more about life from the books i've read.. ok, mayb i don't read thirty or forty books a month, but somehow, the books that i have read thought me much, and plus with my own experienced, i think i am able to hear her problems.. ok, let's not drag out this story about my older sister for too long.. let's focus on my younger sister.. now, she's having another problem.. her new boyfriend doesn't seem to trust her in certain way.. isn't it stupid to imagine this : she was running to pick up her phone because he was calling, and when she picked up the phone, obviously she was breathing hard on the phone, and at the same time, he said he overheard a male's voice from the phone.. and you know whose voice is that..?? MY DAD..?? omg!! what an idiot!!( mind my words) how could u think that she was cheating on you when actually the voice was our dad's voice..??? what the hell is that.. no offense to anyone who reads this, but i really hate guys who didn't trust his gf and making accustaions just because of some silly things.. i think this all started when her ex-bf came and see her current bf and said that she is not easy to be taken care of..??? eh, hello..?? this one is another stupid guy..??? STUPID!STUPID!STUPID! is it wrong to talk to other guys who is just a friend..?? so, talking to another guy or making friends with guys from other school which they met in tuition classes (and that is far as they go) measn that my sister is hard to e taken care of.. well guess what, boy! u r no one in our life.. and no one gives you or ask you to take care of my sis.. hello, u're just her bf, not her husband..?? please find the definition of taking care first before you said it.. by the way, the reason u and her broke off is because your stupi attitude yourself!! u gon and flirt with other girls and there are a lot of proof in front of our eyes, oh, and even better, flirting with her own cousin, o, which by the way, didn't warned my sister at all about this situation until my sis found out herself.. eh, u're good enough to be my sister's gf for one year plus, and ignoring all this stupid stuff that he did.. ughhhh!!! i think, beause of those words : IT'S HARD TO JAGA HER, makes her current bf starting to questioned my sister.. and isn't it funny.... he was having doubt with her again, just because the line broke-off when he called.. hello!! maybe la the line here in bangsar is like crap nowadays, so because of that, it means that my sister is cheating on you..?? because he though she purposedly hung up the phone.. ughh!! stupid, childish, boy!! right now, i feel like jus confronting that guy and talked about this matter.. i know, i might be just a busy body interfering with other people's relationship problems, but when the issue that was brought up was about a stupid matter which leads to other problems, i really wanna step up and confront him.. oh, like i never did that before with any guys before this.. before this, i feel like i'm slowly starting to like her bf, because for me, i think h'e the best guy for my sis, but now, nope!! ZERO percent of liking him.. like i said earlier, if this kinda situation rise, and it is a matter of trust, which is the key base for any relationship, i will surely walk away from the relationship.. if now, not even one month they get together, trust issues happening, then what will happen in the next days to come..?? so, BOY, U KNOW WHO U R, DON'T MESS WITH MY SISTER.. COS IN A WAY YOU ARE MESSING WITH ME!

maybe yes..maybe no..

ok, the feeling of depression i had a few days ago are slowly fading away.. not that i'm ok with the situation already, it's just that i think i need to do something about that.. taking my own independent steps without having to wait for anyone to come and console me about the whole situation.. hihihihii.. positive thinking now, huh?? lol.. hurmm.. now, i have something else on mind.. actually, it's on my mind for quite some time now, but since it's a very MAJOR secret of my own feeling, no one really knows or sure about what's palying on my mind about this matter right this moment.. yes, i'm admitting that this couple of months have been so crucial to me, when i think a lot about my personal life.. personal life here means...urmm.. love life, perhaps..?? can i say that..?? oh, what the hell, i've said it.. lol.. ok, continue about it.. yes, i can't deny it anymore that sometimes i'm feeling rather lonely without someone there who i think can support me and hear me without fail.. yes, it's kinda my fault for not having great relationship with any guys lately because of my own attitude.. good guys, opps.. correction, GREAT GUYS appeared in front of me this few years, but how stupid of me either having them in my hands(woahh, harsh words) but feeling that they are not great of a guy, OR ignored guys who were right in front of me, and who are PERFECT, but i jus didn't realise it cos the so-called mindset of staying it as friends OR even falling for the wrong guy.. ughh.. what a life, nowadays.. what makes me sometimes felt alone and so outcast from my friends is that most of them, or should i say, all of them, have someone special in their life.. yes, some people might say, i'm too young for all this stuff, but, hey, i'm 19, (well, turning 19 this november) and i think i ought to experience something wonderful in my life.. just imagine, if most of your friends.. wether your friends from d campus(classmates) or even ex schoolmates or even my hostelmates, all of them have someone that they can talk about.. all i can talk about to my friends, is on what's going on with my life, or anything funny that i jus experienced or i saw lately.. no fun at all.. ok, i must say, i had some fun talking about all those stuff, but, hey, when u're feeling down, or like my case 1% OF CONFIDENCE, someone who can boost up my confidence would be a great help.. haishh..!! ok, stop talking about all those stupid backgrounds of my life.. now, let's talk about the current issue.. i think i'm having a crush on a guy whom i know my whole life..!! yes, my whole life..!! not only me, everyone in my family knows the existence of him, because he is someone very close to the family.. hurmm.. from now on, let's call him A(note that, this is not his real name and his name does not start with that letter).. this is all started way back a few years ago, when their making fun of me and him, and i think he didn't even know about this matter.. lol.. ok..ok.. better said, it all started when his parents said something about me n his son, n i'm not really sure what about, but my sister insisted on saying and keep on saying that there will be something going on between the two of us somewhere in the future.. and there were a few hints before that that shows he's showing somesigns, which i don't wanna take it too serious cos hey, i don't wanna be, AGAIN, the only one liking the guy.. so, i just kept it quiet all this while.. until recently, i can't help it but feeling something weird when he's around.. and he made me eager to go to more functions(what functions, i can't tell, cos if not, everyone will know about it).. and even worse, lately, i heard a lot of CRUSH song from DAVID ARCHULETTA.. the radio kept on spinning that song evrytime i'm in the car.. and everytime i heard that song, it made me think about him the whole time, and somehow it made me feel a bit sad cos i know, there's no way we'll get together.. cos, it's just impossible.. he's too close to me, but yet he's soo far away.. is it a psychology thing cos hearing people saying that we should be together and stuff or is it a real crush..?? i don't know.. and sometimes i think i hate this kind of feelings, cos at the end of the day i'll be the one who will be hurt.. owh, and one more crazy thing that made me think it was a crush this time cos i want him to know that i am single, by showing it in my status.. ok, like this.. sometimes, i feel like i need a new person in my life, and that will bring me to the dreams of changing my status on facebook, myspace or even friendster.. and it is a huge step for me, because all this while, even if i'm in a relationship, i will NEVER change my status to in a relationship or aything like that.. i'll just let it be single, i don't know why.. but now, i can't wait to change the status.. hehehhehe.. but, at the same time, i don't wanna change my status because i wanna be available for him the whole time.. psycho... yes!!! but, it's the truth, and i think every girl who have a crush will somehow will feel the same way.. but, how long should i wait until he make his move..?? until he got a new someone..?? wooahh.. i will be devastated again.. shiisshh, like i'm not used to that kinda situation.. lol.. whatever it is, i need answers... FAST!!

1% confidence

sadly, nowadays, especially today was my totally breaking point..
i feel like i'm d most ugliest person ever.. only lately i realised i am seriously gaining weight n obviously ppl who didn't see me for quite some time will tell me dat.. jus imagine, how can i have the confidence i used to have if each relative's house i went to last raya will tell me dat i'm gaining weight.. and it's d first thing that they noticed.. when i wanna go n salam with them, that is the thing they said to me.. it was a big pang for me.. it's like evryday i'm hearing the same thing over n over again.. n how would u feel if ur own best friend that u have known for a long time called u GEMUK in ur face when u meet each other after quite some time..?? it really hurts me when i think about it.. i know i'm kinda bad to do this, but because of that, i don't feel like hanging out with her cos i know, she will say something later.. ys, it's good to have a best friend who tells u the truth, but, dealing with sensitive issues for a girl like dis, u need to be very careful with ur words.. that made me realised that although she's my best friend, i don't think i could ever talk to to her about my problem, my life.. it has always been about her, n her latest scandal, n how great her life is in her campus.. i'm not jealous with her life, but, sometimes u just need someone to hear u n jus focus on u.. right now, my life, i dun think i can talk to anybody.. i can only talk to myself or..hurmm..right it in here.. n evrything that i'm feeling is not 100% coming out from my heart.. u might say i have other friends n other family members that i can talk to.. u know what, now i realised that most of my friends they were only meant to feel the emptiness in my heart.. meaning they were always there when i need someone to have conversation with.. it's not always about me n my problems.. it's always about them n their life.. not that i'm bored or tired of hearing their stories, believe me, i love when they talk to me about their problems cos it's like they trust me with their problems, but sometimes, i jus need my own space and moment to talk.. hurmm. enough about frens.. let's come back to the problem of confidence.. where is the girl who didn't care what other ppl say about her..?? where is the girl who are soo confidence and thinks she have the perfect body..?? where is the girl who thinks she's soo precious like any other girls.. u know what,i've never felt like this, but this couple of days, the only thing that was playing in my head when i'm alone was how should i lose weight..?? n there is time when i think that i shud try n be a bulimic or anorexic just to make evryone jus shut up.. i am totally at my lowest point tonight when all i think was i'm the fattest in my family.. n i don't know why, i feel like people are always giving me the stare like "how could she gain so much weight? where is the girl who was thin last time?" n that is also the reason why i prefer staying at home, rather than going out.. i'm slowly sinking but nobody wants to help me float back again.. they're just trying to let me drift away from them.. ughhh!!! i hate this feeling!!!! no one around me understands what i'm going through and what's playing in my mind.. i really don't have anyone to talk to now..

This is currenlty my favourite song n my most favourite..
song called HARU HARU or english DAY BY DAY, by a korean boyband BIG BANG..
i found out about this song when i saw the video clip on MTV..
bt when i watched the videon on MTV, i don't know the meaning of the song, so i search for it online.. hihihi.. the english subtitle is provided and if u wanna sing along the song, i provide the lyris here.. enjoy..!! =)

YEAH
FINALLY I REALIZED
THAT I’M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU
I WAS SO WRONG
FORGIVE ME

Ah Ah Ah Ah -

Padocheoreom buswojin nae mam
Baramcheoreom heundeullineun nae mam
Yeongicheoreom sarajin nae sarang
Munsincheoreom jiwojijiga anha
Hansumman ttangi kkeojira swijyo
Nae gaseumsogen meonjiman ssahijyo SAY GOODBYE

YEAH
Nega eobsin dan harudo mot salgeotman gatatdeon na
Saenggakgwaneun dareugedo geureokjeoreok honja jal sara
Bogosipdago bulleobwado neon amu daedabeobtjanha
Heotdoen gidae georeobwado ijen soyongeobtjanha

Ne yeope inneun geu sarami mwonji hoksi neol ullijin annneunji
Geudae naega boigin haneunji beolsseo ssak da ijeonneunji
Geokjeongdwae dagagagijocha mareul geol su jocha eobseo aetaeugo
Na hollo gin bameul jisaeujyo subaekbeon jiwonaejyo

Dorabojimalgo tteonagara
Tto nareul chatjimalgo saragara
Neoreul saranghaetgie huhoeeopgie
Johatdeon gieongman gajyeogara
Geureokjeoreok chamabolmanhae
Geureokjeoreok gyeondyeonaelmanhae
Neon geureolsurok haengbokhaeyadwae
Haru haru
Mudyeojyeogane

OH GIRL I CRY CRY
YO MY ALL (SAY GOODBYE)

Gireul geotda neowa na uri majuchindahaedo
Mot boncheok hagoseo geudaero gadeongil gajwo

Jakkuman yet saenggagi tteooreumyeon amado
Nado mollae geudael chajagaljido molla

Neon neul geu saramgwa haengbokhage neon neul naega dareun mam an meokge
Neon neul jageun miryeondo an namgekkeum jal jinaejwo na borandeusi

Neon neul jeo haneulgachi hayake tteun gureumgwado gachi saeparake
Neon neul geureoke useojwo amu il eopdeusi

Dorabojimalgo tteonagara
Tto nareul chatjimalgo saragara
Neoreul saranghaetgie huhoeeopgie
Johatdeon gieongman gajyeogara
Geureokjeoreok chamabolmanhae
Geureokjeoreok gyeondyeonaelmanhae
Neon geureolsurok haengbokhaeyadwae
Haru haru
Mudyeojyeogane

Nareul tteonaseo mam pyeonhaejigil (nareul itgoseo saragajwo)
Geu nunmureun da mareulteni YEAH (haruharu jinamyeon)

Charari mannaji anhatdeoramyeon deol apeultende UM
Yeongwonhi hamkkehajadeon geu yaksok ijen
Chueoge mudeodugil barae baby neol wihae gidohae

Dorabojimalgo tteonagara
Tto nareul chatjimalgo saragara
Neoreul saranghaetgie huhoeeopgie
Johatdeon gieongman gajyeogara
Geureokjeoreok chamabolmanhae
Geureokjeoreok gyeondyeonaelmanhae
Neon geureolsurok haengbokhaeyadwae
Haru haru
Mudyeojyeogane

OH GIRL
I CRY CRY
YO MY ALL
SAY GOODBYE BYE
OH MY LOVE
DON’T LIE LIE
YO MY HEART
SAY GOODBYE

taken from :http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/10121/big-bang/haru-haru.html

worst day ever!!

OMG!! today is officially my worst day ever.. no doubt..
the first half of the day was ok.. bt then.. d other half.. omg..
afta my malaysian studies paper, i was planning to go bck home cos i'm sick n i'm soo tired n i feel like i can't breathe with all this ppl around..
so, i drove alone.. my gas was at d minimum point, bt i jus kept on going cos i know my car, n i know it can still hold on.but, with my freaking stupid n blur thinking, it didn't occur to me at all that there might be traffic jam near bangsar..
then my car started to be shaky a bit, n i was praying hard, n i think i never pray that hard in my entire life..
jus imagine, u were all alone in d car, n u're not feeling well, n it's raining, n u know, if ur car broke down, it surely cos worse traffic jam.. n i almost met with an accident.. oopss.. correction, twice.. i almost hit motorcycles.. obviously bcos of my 'blurness' n clumsiness.. n one of the motorcyclist even called me stupid.. i heard him cos i opened the window.. hurmm.. how exciting can that be..
it's all because i wanted to get in the right lane to go to the petrol station there, bt i couldn't cos the cars won't let me.. that is when, i almost hit the motorcycles.. surely, the car behind me will think i'm such a beginner at driving.. haishh.. bt what to do, i'm soo blur, n i'm sooo sick..!! ughhh..
bt luckily, i think the GOD loves me dearly, right in front of the petrol station, i manage to slide in between cars n then, i went n filled up my gas.. OMG.. really, GOD helps me soo much.. cos right in front of the petrol station, no cars are blocking me from getting through it.. n d rest of the journey went smoothly..
thak god..
i really though the worst was gonna happened.. i didn't tell mama or baba about this, cos i don't want them to worry about me the next time im driving..
sheeshh, i almost had a trauma for a sec, n i felt like i dun wanna drive the car anymore.. this really made me think, if i didn't even had any accident, i was in shocked, how about the people who had an accident, or people who hit someone or experienced something major.. haishh.. whatever it is, i'm soo glad i arrived home safely.. huhuhu.. n now i feel a lot better about it..
huhuu..

BRAMBUS!

korg mesti pelik kenapalah saye gune bahasa melayu dlm blog saye ni.. x pernah2 sepanjang hidup saye, saye tulis blog dlm b.m. hurmm.. sebenarnye sye tulis dlm bm ni pun sbb sye nk melarikan diri dari.. dgn bahase ni je sye dpt melarikan diri dari sorg mamat yang setahu saye mmg x tau b.m. n mintak2 la, klo die bkk blog nie, die x pegi tanye kwn2 die yg tau b.m. utk translatekan bende ni utk die.. huhuhu.. sbb tulah jugak byk shortform yg digunekn, sbb minx die lg la x phm.. kui3.. hurmm.. sebenarnye, nk citer psl sorg mamat yg btul2 dh merimaskan sye.. hishh.. tiap2 hari asal sye mendaftar masuk buku muke(korg translate la sendiri dlm b.i. ape yg sye tulis tu) mesti dgn pntasnye die akn berbual dgn saya.. sekali dua kali xpe la.. ni x tiap2 kali buke je, mesti die trus dtg.. klo ym, apetah lagi.. lagila, bru online, x sempat nk tuka status, die dtg buzz.. mcm mane tu.. haishh.. saye ni pulak, mmg dh dikenali sbg org yg plg mls nk lyn org yg slalu sgt sms or ape2 je la utk berbual dgn die.. bosan!! n dah agk dh niat di sebaliknye.. klo org tu mmg berjaye bukkkan hati xpe jugak, ni klo mmg dh set dlm kepala hotak dr awl knl lgi, yg mmg mamat tu ptt jadi kwn je, tu yg dtg mls dan bosan tu.. jgn kate org yg bru nk kenal, seorang lelaki bernama bf pun belum tentu bole hilangkan rasa bosan ni, klo setiap hari sms, sms, sms! haishh.. naik bosan!!! saye tabik spring gile la sape yg bole kekal lama ngan bf diorg wpun cukup dgn anta sms or ckp tepon je setiap hari.. huhuhu.. bkn nk kate sye ni bgs sgt pown, mmg sye sorg gadis yg biase n xde lawa mane pun, tp, perasaan dlmn sendiri, mcm mane nk tolak, babe!! huhuhu.. hurmm.. berbalik ngan citer sye td, hurmm.. pening kepala x tau nk buat ape ngan mamat nie.. mmg la die x ckp ape2 yg membawa ke arah lain tu, tp, dr gerak bicara die, mmg dh agk pelik dh.. utk org yg expert menolak lelaki ni (sbb tu la xde bf smpi skarang =)), mmg dh tau dh, mesti lain mcm je nie.. huhuhu.. die penah sat hari tu ajk kuar mkn, opss.. bukan ajak, memberi arahan.. die suro sye jumpe die lps habis pepriksaan ari2.. lps tu, trus die x reply, pdhal blum confirm pun lagi, jadi ke x.. tu yg tensen tu.. huhu.. so, smpi skarang ni, sye x lyn die, n mmg die prasan bende tu.. dlm status die, die ade kte die nk blik negara die ari ahd ni.. mcm la sye akn lyn dh kan status die tu.. hishhh.. sbelom ni, status die tu la yg membuatkn sye terjerat mcm skarang ni.. hurm.. sye jus hope, die blik negara die tanpe peru carik sye.. sorila, tp, walau terdesak mcm mane pun sye nk ade bf, sye xkn pilih anda.. huhhuu.. perbezaan trlalu byk.. x bole..x bole.. td dlm 'buku muke', die bru anta komen, die bg tande soal byk sgt.. mungkin sbb sye x lyn die dlm chatting kot.. sbb tu la.. tp, nk buat mcm mane.. org twrkan persahabatan tetibe lain mcm plak, aihh, x btul nie.. klo kwn, stay kwn sudh la.. bkn nk ckp ape, tp dr pemerhatian sye n kwn sye, mmg diorg ni, terlalu terdesak nk ade gf.. ntah la kenapa, tp mmg dh slalu nmpk camtu.. rapat sket je ngan pompuan, trus late suke.. pastu klo pompuan tu reject, mlm tu jugak die carik pompuan laen.. ni bkn rekaan tp btul.. mmg terjadi kt kwn sye.. haishh.. hurmm.. ape2 pun, minx2 la die x kacau sye dh.. mengganggu ketenteraman nk blaja je.. dh la x tau nk cite permasalahan ni kat sape.. sume mcm ade mslh msng2 je.. mmg la org akn igt mslh ni remeh je, tp, klo bende ni berlarutan, bkn ke lagi membebankn kepale otak ni.. uhuhu.. so, dlm ni je la bole nk cite pown.. huhuhu.. klo korng rase ade suggestion, bgtau la ek.. dh tensen gile ni.. huhuu

SEPI..?? THE BEST!!

OMG! i just watched a malay movie called SEPI.. yes, i know the movie are no longer playing in the cinema, and now only i'm watching that movie.. but, it's never too late, right..??
SEPI is about three different stories about different situation, where people are feeling lonely in their life, mainly because of the lack of love in their lives..
the first story brought us to the story of adam, who had always been trying to find the girl that belongs to him. until he met that girl, problems occur as the girl are engaged and soon to be married..
and then, we have a story about a guy named sufi.. an accident had cause his wife to die in front of his eyes, and he felt the loneliness as he take everything for granted, eventhough he loves his wife dearly. because of his devastativeness, he tries to run from the problem, and met a woman who was there when he needed someone for support.. unfortunately, the woman are married to another man, and eventhough he could not leave her wife, her heart belongs to sufi..
the last story is about a girl named imaan and how she had to work with a guy who thinks he's good in everything.. imaan have a very boyfriend, but as time goes by, without she realizing it, she had fallen for that guy..
the endings..???? i can't tell, cos if u didn't watch that movie yet, u won't feel what i felt..
i never cried this bad my whole life watching a movie.. yes, of course there are several dramas or movies that can make me cry watching it, but not as bad as this movie..
maybe, the feeling of loneliness, as what the director are trying to potray in this film hits me straight to the heart..
it makes me start to wonder.. wether i will always stay lonely forever, or saved by someone from this loneliness somewhere in the future, or found the one for me in the future..
i know, it's such a silly thing to be thinking about, but, perhaps this feelings are too strong.. not that i can't survive living alone, but the question is, will i find that special one in the future..??? now, that's the question that bothers me soo much lately.. hurmm..
but, seriously, talk about this movie, people who felt the feeling of loneliness in their life, will want to see this movie.... it's one of the greatest movie ever created in Malaysia.. heheheh... hope that soon i can find the answer for the quesion that keeps bothering me now..