well.. well..well.. hello people of the world!!! how are you people.. hihi.. notice i'm being very chirpy and there's no sign of sadness, heartbreak or anything right..?? ngehehehe...
well, damn right i am super happy about stuff.. as a matter of fact, i amsuper happy about everything i have in my life right now.. this is actually by far one of the most greatful ramadhan i've ever had.. hihi...
so, yeah, this post is about brand new spirit in life... people might be asking what happen after the last blog post... do i stop dancing with that man? or do i still dance to the same old tune? or do i finally take one of the guy's hands that was standing at the side..? well, my final answer will be... we're all dancing together to the beat.. confusing eh..? hehhe..
well, let's just say, me n the man that i love.. well, things didn't work out as plan.. were now dancing to a new beat, to a new tune... a surprising turn actually.. but you know what, i am glad that to say that we are finally friends.. yeap, we are back to being friends.. we've talked things through, i've said what i've wanted to say all this while, and he have said what he wanted(i think)..
seriously, our relationship right now is waaay better than what we had before.. no stress, no questioning myself what i did wrong and stuff like that.. stuff that gave stress to myself and the people around me.. some people might not get it, how can we turn into another beat in a split second.. well, let's just say, after talking to each other, i finally know what's our problem..
so, end up, the best way is to be friends, like how we used to be at this time last year.. hihii.. that was the best..!
so, yeah, i am back in the single market... i mean, i'm not that eager to look around.. but i don't mind meeting new people, and date around..i'm not into getting serious with anyone yet.. i mean, this is me talking right now.. can't predict what would happen later, right..? hihi...
so, people!! i am at the highest level of happiness right now.. by breaking up, i actualy didn't lose anything.. as a matter of fact, i got my friend back!! =)
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
-total eclipse of the heart-
this have been going on this whole sem, i can say.. gosh, i can't believe how i manage to hold on to this for a few months now.. what is my problem, you may ask? but, all i can say is that i am in love.. and there's great possibilities that i am dancing on the dancefloor alone, without a partner, and i just didn't realise that, while all the rest of the audience can see and felt pity that i'm dancing alone..
even some of them step out and try to offer them their hands, but i just don't believe that i'm dancing alone, cos i can see him there.. he is right in front of me, dancing with me through this whole journey.. it's just that he didn't say anything, he just stood there, dancing, silently.. yes, there may be times when i did go and accept the other gentleman's hands.. but it's only for the sake of dancing.. cos even before the song is over, i'll be running back to you, and leaving them alone there, cluelessly standing there..
and i don't get it either.. at times, when i THINK i'm dancing with you, your eyes are not meeting mine.. your eyes are somewhere else.. somewhere out of the spotlight that's on us... it's too dark there, so i can't see who or what you're looking at.. but at times, i can see her coming over on the spotlight, with her red velvet dress, and her eyes are on you too.. and so i thought..
at times while we're on the dancefloor, somebody will come and whisper to me that he doesn't like the way i'm dancing.. so, i tried to change my moves.. but you don't seem to accept that too.. i smiled more, i tried to create conversations, but you're not responding well.. maybe i gave up too quickly on pleasing him with my dance moves... i need to practice more, but it seems like he doesn't care how much practice i have.. and so i thought...
i try to grab your attention, i'll dance more in front of you, just to grab your attention again, till i hurt myself, and i sprained my ankle.. i don't know if you realised it or not, cos your eyes are still not on me, and you didn't even bother asking about it..
a few hands take me away from you, they say i need to stop dancing.. it's just hurting you more, and it's not good for you.. and i listen to them, i stand by at the corner, just till my legs are ok again.. and i saw you there, still in the dancefloor, alone, or again.. and so i thought.. at times, i can see you are tired, i can see that you need your rest too, and at times, you fall right on the dancefloor.. oh, how i really feel like going in and get you back up.. be there when you're at your lowest point.. but i can't.. ego strikes.. and i addition to that, this people are slowly crowding you up, and all i can do is just stand there, while watching others help you on..
i tried calling you up, you looked at me, and gave me a smile... that smile.. that smile is enough for me to feel that i need to get back on the dancefloor.. and i did run back in.. and you're there... the spotlight is on you.... and i adore that so much...
but wait.... what is this..? there's another 2 spotlights beside him.. it hits on this two gentleman.. they have a mask on their faces, so, i don't really know who are this two guys.. who are they? i think that maybe i did dance with them once or twice before this, and i know they made me laugh a lot while we're dancing.. but why are they here..???
-THE END-
p/s : too much passion for dancing i must say.. hehe.. just to be clear, these are all my thoughts.. and it is only my judgment on what's running through his mind.. so, don't go blaming on him ok! =)
even some of them step out and try to offer them their hands, but i just don't believe that i'm dancing alone, cos i can see him there.. he is right in front of me, dancing with me through this whole journey.. it's just that he didn't say anything, he just stood there, dancing, silently.. yes, there may be times when i did go and accept the other gentleman's hands.. but it's only for the sake of dancing.. cos even before the song is over, i'll be running back to you, and leaving them alone there, cluelessly standing there..
and i don't get it either.. at times, when i THINK i'm dancing with you, your eyes are not meeting mine.. your eyes are somewhere else.. somewhere out of the spotlight that's on us... it's too dark there, so i can't see who or what you're looking at.. but at times, i can see her coming over on the spotlight, with her red velvet dress, and her eyes are on you too.. and so i thought..
at times while we're on the dancefloor, somebody will come and whisper to me that he doesn't like the way i'm dancing.. so, i tried to change my moves.. but you don't seem to accept that too.. i smiled more, i tried to create conversations, but you're not responding well.. maybe i gave up too quickly on pleasing him with my dance moves... i need to practice more, but it seems like he doesn't care how much practice i have.. and so i thought...
i try to grab your attention, i'll dance more in front of you, just to grab your attention again, till i hurt myself, and i sprained my ankle.. i don't know if you realised it or not, cos your eyes are still not on me, and you didn't even bother asking about it..
a few hands take me away from you, they say i need to stop dancing.. it's just hurting you more, and it's not good for you.. and i listen to them, i stand by at the corner, just till my legs are ok again.. and i saw you there, still in the dancefloor, alone, or again.. and so i thought.. at times, i can see you are tired, i can see that you need your rest too, and at times, you fall right on the dancefloor.. oh, how i really feel like going in and get you back up.. be there when you're at your lowest point.. but i can't.. ego strikes.. and i addition to that, this people are slowly crowding you up, and all i can do is just stand there, while watching others help you on..
i tried calling you up, you looked at me, and gave me a smile... that smile.. that smile is enough for me to feel that i need to get back on the dancefloor.. and i did run back in.. and you're there... the spotlight is on you.... and i adore that so much...
but wait.... what is this..? there's another 2 spotlights beside him.. it hits on this two gentleman.. they have a mask on their faces, so, i don't really know who are this two guys.. who are they? i think that maybe i did dance with them once or twice before this, and i know they made me laugh a lot while we're dancing.. but why are they here..???
-THE END-
p/s : too much passion for dancing i must say.. hehe.. just to be clear, these are all my thoughts.. and it is only my judgment on what's running through his mind.. so, don't go blaming on him ok! =)
-chameleon-
let me get this straight... i just kinda notice this in me.. cos i can slowly see it in me that i have this weird characteristics... i can say myself as a chameleon, yes, chameleon is this animal in the picture.. the one that can change it's color depending on the environment it's in.. if it's laying on a green grass, then it will change it's color to green, and so on..
so, why do i say that i am like a chameleon..? well, despite the laziness i have and a bigger lower body part than the rest of the body, i feel like my characteristics changes depending on the circle of friends i'm with..
so, why do i say that, i'll ask again.. well i realised that i treat people based on how they treat me, eventhough my heart don't really mean it that way.. sometimes, i feel like i have split personalities.. hehe.. ok, for instance, let's say, you are one caring person towards me, which means that you care about me, you always ask me about my whereabouts, what i like, what i don't like, or even telling me if there's something wrong with me, then i'll treat that person the same way. i ADAPT myself to that kind of characteristics. so, i'll be doing the same thing to that person.. i will show that i care, i will always ask if they are ok, and anything in between that.
and of course there are people who gives me a total opposite treatment.. texting me is not a frequent thing to do, asking me out is not something that you like to do, or showing that you care is an impossible thing for you to do, then i'll be doing the same thing to you too!! i'll try to ignore your existence (eventhough my heart wants to talk to you badly), i won't text you unless i need to (eventhough my hands wants to type your name and send a text message even if to say 'hi', and when there is a serious need to text you, i will be doing that in split seconds) and i would not ask you out ( eventhough my eyes wants to see you badly each day).. so yeah, if you are that kind of person, i will treat you that way..
i am super fine with that kind of chameleon characteristics i have until i realised that it is not making me super happy about it especially to someone that i really want to care badly.. i know that that person is not treating me well, and i can't blame him alone, cos i am doing the same thing too.. i might say that i try to work things out, but how hard did i try to work things out and get what i want..
yes, people say, JUST BE YOURSELF... but i am being myself.. THIS IS ME.. this is me with the chameleon characteristics.. i'm not trying to impress anybody at any time.. this is just who i am.. cos for me, different people needs different treatments and approaches to communicate with them.. but why NOW, i want to change that because of one person..? i will slowly sometimes put down my ego and my pride so that i can get a total different treatment that i really want badly..
so, how do i get this to him? to make him realised how badly i'm feeling inside.. how uneasy i am when i don't talk to you when you're right there in front of me.. how i wake up every morning hoping that i'll get a text message from him, even if that means that text message was from the previous night, but i just didn't realise it cos i was sleeping.. how restless i am thinking that whether i should cal u or not, if i'm in a big deep problem, and i need someone that can help me, but i'm just afraid to call you cos i'm scared that i will be another burden in your life or even bother you during that time..
so, can someone help me.. and guide me... tell me whether i should really change myself for this one person, or stay as i am...THE CHAMELEON
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
secrecy
is there a single person who doesn't have at least a secret in life..? it's gonna be a total bullshit (mind my words) if they say so.. i mean, come on, everyone have secrets... but the difference are whether its a big one or a very small secret that if people finally found out, it's not gonna be a big deal.. but still.. secrets are still secrets right..?
why do people keep things a secret..? it must be because it's kind of a big deal to them right.. ok, ignore i said that there's small and big secrets.. every secret that people have in their life have its own degree of seriousness in it.. and coming back to my question.... why do we have secrets..? well, it might be because that you are ashamed of the thing that you're hiding, or you're scared that people might brag about that thing that you prefer to keep it a secret..it might also be because you're scared that when the thing you're trying to cover up are known by others, then you're gonna be in a big trouble... or it can also be because of you're trying to protect someone you love or you care dearly from getting hurt or anything like that..but, hey, not all secrets have negative vibes in it.. there's also good secrets.. for example, surprising your friend on his or her birthday, surprising your boyfriend/girlfriend with presents cos you just feel like surprising them, or surprising people for fun!
so, what type of secrets do YOU have the most..? the good ones or the bad ones..? it is all up to you what things or incidents that you feel best to keep it a secret.. some secrets are better off kept as a secret, and some secrets are giving ways and lights to others if you blurt it out..
you should think for yourself, ask your guts, whether which one is the best.. do not let the people you're trying to keep a secret from feel betrayed or left out or anything like that once they know the secrets from someone else, when they feel like the secret better off to be told..
for me, hmmm.. secrets are secrets.. i choose to keep it a secret, when i feel like it should be a secret.. but, if i feel like it's bringing more good to blurt it out to others, then i'll just tell it out.. however, if people keeping secrets from me.. and i finally find it out from someone else, then it's gonna hurt me very much inside.. cos i was hoping that person to be the person that i depend most on.. but once you are keeping secrets from me, and when it is obviously have so much to do with me, then i will feel...hmmm...not a very pleasant feeling i can tell you..
and i'll normally leave it like that.. if you are trying to keep it a secret from me, bt then, i end up finding it out from others, then, i'll let it be like that.. maybe that person has their own reasons why do that..
but when it comes to relationship, keeping things a secret, especially when it's not gonna be a secret anymore anytime soon, then i will feel hurt, a bit.. and i prefer to NOT know about that secret, cos it's obviously gonna hurt me more if i do know from others. that person might at least have a little bit of kindness to know that the thing that they're hiding from me, would hurt me at the end of the day...
Somebody said they saw you.
The person you were kissing wasn't me.
And I will never ask you.
I just kept it to myself.
(Chorus)
I don't wanna know
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin please don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
(0hhhh, baby.)
I think about it when I hold you.
When lookin' in your eyes - I can't believe.
I don't need to know the truth.
Baby, keep it to yourself.
(Chorus)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
Did SHE touch you better than me? (Touch you better than me?)
Did SHE watch you fall asleep? (Watch you fall asleep, baby?)
Did SHE show you all those things? (0hhhh)
and the things you do to me (do to me, baby)
If you're better off that way,(Better off that way)
then it's more than I can say. (More than I can say)
If you want to do your thing,(Oh!)
Boy, then stay away from me.(Stay away from me, baby)
(P-Diddy)
I know when your where-abouts or how you movin'.
I know when you're in the house or when you crusin'.(uh-huh)
It's been proven - My love you abusin'.
I can't understand how a GIRL got you choosin'.
Undecided, I came and provided my,
Undivided, you came and denied it.(Why)
Don't even try it I know when you lyin'. (Don't even)
Don't even do that I know why you cryin'.
I'm not applyin no pressure,
I just want to let you know,
That I don't want to let you go.(I don't want to let you go)
And I don't want to let you leave.
Can't say I didn't let you breath.
Gave you extra cheese. (come on)
put you in a SUV.
You wanted ice - so I made you freeze.
Made you hot like the West Indies.(That's right)
NOW IT'S TIME YOU INVEST IN ME.
'Cause if not - then it's best you leave. (Holla, yeah)
(Mario Winans)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
(0hhhh baby)
I DON'T WANNA KNOW.
~MARIO WINANS - I DON'T WANNA KNOW~
why do people keep things a secret..? it must be because it's kind of a big deal to them right.. ok, ignore i said that there's small and big secrets.. every secret that people have in their life have its own degree of seriousness in it.. and coming back to my question.... why do we have secrets..? well, it might be because that you are ashamed of the thing that you're hiding, or you're scared that people might brag about that thing that you prefer to keep it a secret..it might also be because you're scared that when the thing you're trying to cover up are known by others, then you're gonna be in a big trouble... or it can also be because of you're trying to protect someone you love or you care dearly from getting hurt or anything like that..but, hey, not all secrets have negative vibes in it.. there's also good secrets.. for example, surprising your friend on his or her birthday, surprising your boyfriend/girlfriend with presents cos you just feel like surprising them, or surprising people for fun!
so, what type of secrets do YOU have the most..? the good ones or the bad ones..? it is all up to you what things or incidents that you feel best to keep it a secret.. some secrets are better off kept as a secret, and some secrets are giving ways and lights to others if you blurt it out..
you should think for yourself, ask your guts, whether which one is the best.. do not let the people you're trying to keep a secret from feel betrayed or left out or anything like that once they know the secrets from someone else, when they feel like the secret better off to be told..
for me, hmmm.. secrets are secrets.. i choose to keep it a secret, when i feel like it should be a secret.. but, if i feel like it's bringing more good to blurt it out to others, then i'll just tell it out.. however, if people keeping secrets from me.. and i finally find it out from someone else, then it's gonna hurt me very much inside.. cos i was hoping that person to be the person that i depend most on.. but once you are keeping secrets from me, and when it is obviously have so much to do with me, then i will feel...hmmm...not a very pleasant feeling i can tell you..
and i'll normally leave it like that.. if you are trying to keep it a secret from me, bt then, i end up finding it out from others, then, i'll let it be like that.. maybe that person has their own reasons why do that..
but when it comes to relationship, keeping things a secret, especially when it's not gonna be a secret anymore anytime soon, then i will feel hurt, a bit.. and i prefer to NOT know about that secret, cos it's obviously gonna hurt me more if i do know from others. that person might at least have a little bit of kindness to know that the thing that they're hiding from me, would hurt me at the end of the day...
Somebody said they saw you.
The person you were kissing wasn't me.
And I will never ask you.
I just kept it to myself.
(Chorus)
I don't wanna know
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin please don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
(0hhhh, baby.)
I think about it when I hold you.
When lookin' in your eyes - I can't believe.
I don't need to know the truth.
Baby, keep it to yourself.
(Chorus)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
Did SHE touch you better than me? (Touch you better than me?)
Did SHE watch you fall asleep? (Watch you fall asleep, baby?)
Did SHE show you all those things? (0hhhh)
and the things you do to me (do to me, baby)
If you're better off that way,(Better off that way)
then it's more than I can say. (More than I can say)
If you want to do your thing,(Oh!)
Boy, then stay away from me.(Stay away from me, baby)
(P-Diddy)
I know when your where-abouts or how you movin'.
I know when you're in the house or when you crusin'.(uh-huh)
It's been proven - My love you abusin'.
I can't understand how a GIRL got you choosin'.
Undecided, I came and provided my,
Undivided, you came and denied it.(Why)
Don't even try it I know when you lyin'. (Don't even)
Don't even do that I know why you cryin'.
I'm not applyin no pressure,
I just want to let you know,
That I don't want to let you go.(I don't want to let you go)
And I don't want to let you leave.
Can't say I didn't let you breath.
Gave you extra cheese. (come on)
put you in a SUV.
You wanted ice - so I made you freeze.
Made you hot like the West Indies.(That's right)
NOW IT'S TIME YOU INVEST IN ME.
'Cause if not - then it's best you leave. (Holla, yeah)
(Mario Winans)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
(0hhhh baby)
I DON'T WANNA KNOW.
~MARIO WINANS - I DON'T WANNA KNOW~
Saturday, June 19, 2010
-new phase-
well..well.. this post is especially to a friend of mine who have always been asking me to update my blog n post on the latest story about my life.. what happened after the whole heartbreak thing... how am i been coping up with life? and who is the new BOYFIE i've been mentioning a lot of times on my twitter.. hihi..
ok, let's start on what happened after the whole heart break thing.. well, life was a bit hard for me actually. i guess u can see it from my previous posts where it was mostly about me emoing and stuff like that.. hehe..
after that whole dark spot in my life, i tried to get things right for myself, so i make new friends, i got closer to people who have been around me before this but i less care about..
it was okay at first, despite i still can't get over him before this.. but the situation was not to my liking because, without me doing anything wrong, there's people who still offered me their heart and soul.. ok, maybe that's too much.. but there were people who were showing their concern to me by offering me their hand..
who were the people.. well, let's just me and the people i'm referrig to knows about it.. cosif i'm gonna tell the story of every guy, oh, it's gonna be a super long one.. hehehe..
but seriously, i am very thankful for all these people who have ben very kind to me during the hard times i had.. and i am so sorry cos i just can't move on to another guy just like that. i need time, and you guys are the best at it.. you guys are the most patient people i've ever met..
but, i just can't let go of my past just like that cos i still believe in what i had.. ok, so, let's move on to another story.. if you want to know more about it than u just have to talk to me about it..
ok, anyways..... in this new life and new phase that i am in.... yes, i am happy with it.. and yes, i have moved on.. and yes, i am now in a relationship with someone right now.. and yes, it's gonna be a secret one... not many people might know about this...
heheh.. "who's the guy?" you might ask.. well, let's just say his someone from the past that i love dearly whom i've always believed is my soulmate, and the guy i wanna be married to... and i am so happy with what i have now.. and i thank god for my prayers have been answered.. =)
we are keeping this a secret from the public cos i don't know.. i don't want it to be jinx.. it's better if no one knows about us, and we'll keep it cool about it... when the right time comes, then we will reveal it to our friends.. but for now, only closed friends might know about us, or people who might've seen us together, but that is a very rare case for we seldom go out 'dating' like people always call it.. hehe...
for now, we are both trying to fix and patch up all the mistakes and our own attitude towards the relationship.. hopefully we're taking this more seriously than before..
oh, i think i've revealed too much.. but what i can say is my new boyfriend is not the same boyfriend i had in the past.. this man i love is a guy who i think are trying to make this relationship works and he is also someone who appreciates me more than the guy before this..
so, that's it.. that's all i can tell u.. it's a secret relationship that i have, and this one is a more colourful and vibrant relationship than the plain and effortless relationship i had before.. i love you, boyfie... eventhough right this moment i'm starting to get irritated for the fact that u didn't reply my text! hehe...
ok, let's start on what happened after the whole heart break thing.. well, life was a bit hard for me actually. i guess u can see it from my previous posts where it was mostly about me emoing and stuff like that.. hehe..
after that whole dark spot in my life, i tried to get things right for myself, so i make new friends, i got closer to people who have been around me before this but i less care about..
it was okay at first, despite i still can't get over him before this.. but the situation was not to my liking because, without me doing anything wrong, there's people who still offered me their heart and soul.. ok, maybe that's too much.. but there were people who were showing their concern to me by offering me their hand..
who were the people.. well, let's just me and the people i'm referrig to knows about it.. cosif i'm gonna tell the story of every guy, oh, it's gonna be a super long one.. hehehe..
but seriously, i am very thankful for all these people who have ben very kind to me during the hard times i had.. and i am so sorry cos i just can't move on to another guy just like that. i need time, and you guys are the best at it.. you guys are the most patient people i've ever met..
but, i just can't let go of my past just like that cos i still believe in what i had.. ok, so, let's move on to another story.. if you want to know more about it than u just have to talk to me about it..
ok, anyways..... in this new life and new phase that i am in.... yes, i am happy with it.. and yes, i have moved on.. and yes, i am now in a relationship with someone right now.. and yes, it's gonna be a secret one... not many people might know about this...
heheh.. "who's the guy?" you might ask.. well, let's just say his someone from the past that i love dearly whom i've always believed is my soulmate, and the guy i wanna be married to... and i am so happy with what i have now.. and i thank god for my prayers have been answered.. =)
we are keeping this a secret from the public cos i don't know.. i don't want it to be jinx.. it's better if no one knows about us, and we'll keep it cool about it... when the right time comes, then we will reveal it to our friends.. but for now, only closed friends might know about us, or people who might've seen us together, but that is a very rare case for we seldom go out 'dating' like people always call it.. hehe...
for now, we are both trying to fix and patch up all the mistakes and our own attitude towards the relationship.. hopefully we're taking this more seriously than before..
oh, i think i've revealed too much.. but what i can say is my new boyfriend is not the same boyfriend i had in the past.. this man i love is a guy who i think are trying to make this relationship works and he is also someone who appreciates me more than the guy before this..
so, that's it.. that's all i can tell u.. it's a secret relationship that i have, and this one is a more colourful and vibrant relationship than the plain and effortless relationship i had before.. i love you, boyfie... eventhough right this moment i'm starting to get irritated for the fact that u didn't reply my text! hehe...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
reminiscing..
did u ever think 'MAN, TIME FLIES..' ? well, i'm sure everyone had thought about this before.. and it's something that is in my mind for quite sometime now..
i was cleaning up my room today.. oh speaking of which, FINALLY my room looks like a room now.. i'm back to being a real ANAK DARA now, who loves cleaning.. bahahaha..
ok, back to my story.. so, yeah, while cleaning up the room, i was like looking at the academic calendar that was stuck on the wall above my bed.. well, i love to write notes and highlights on important or great events that happened in my life for that one whole academic year... what i did? how's my studies? when's my midterm? events i'm involved in? important dates like birthdays, etc..
but the funniest was how i love counting days... hahahaha.. and if u read my previous posts, then u would know that i've been through 1050 days of single... i keep track on the days by writing down the days on the academic calendars... and of course after 1050 days of being single.. then i had 117 days of NOT being single, and now i'm already on my 59th day of being single again! and all these figures are all in one academic calendar.. bahahaha..
call me a freak or weirdo, but there's reasons why i love counting all these days.. when u count these days, u start to wonder what did u do every single day of your life... i would start wondering whether i've just wasted my time during that 1050, 117 and 59 days..
and see, how time flies... it's MAY now... this times last year, i had a totally different life....!! gosh!! how things have changed and how life had brought me into series of journey.... some makes me fly high and help me touch the beautiful rainbows, and some just pulled me down real hard till at one point, it's hard for me to get up...
but, that's life..!! and i know life will never stop teaching me and leave me experiencing all these different emotions and situations...
and now, as i am here in my hostel room for the last time since i'll be checking out tomorrow morning, wooahh!! i can't wait for a new semester and having a new room... haha.. look at me, i didn't go back home yet for this trimester break, and yet, i can't wait for next sem.. hahaha...
i was cleaning up my room today.. oh speaking of which, FINALLY my room looks like a room now.. i'm back to being a real ANAK DARA now, who loves cleaning.. bahahaha..
ok, back to my story.. so, yeah, while cleaning up the room, i was like looking at the academic calendar that was stuck on the wall above my bed.. well, i love to write notes and highlights on important or great events that happened in my life for that one whole academic year... what i did? how's my studies? when's my midterm? events i'm involved in? important dates like birthdays, etc..
but the funniest was how i love counting days... hahahaha.. and if u read my previous posts, then u would know that i've been through 1050 days of single... i keep track on the days by writing down the days on the academic calendars... and of course after 1050 days of being single.. then i had 117 days of NOT being single, and now i'm already on my 59th day of being single again! and all these figures are all in one academic calendar.. bahahaha..
call me a freak or weirdo, but there's reasons why i love counting all these days.. when u count these days, u start to wonder what did u do every single day of your life... i would start wondering whether i've just wasted my time during that 1050, 117 and 59 days..
and see, how time flies... it's MAY now... this times last year, i had a totally different life....!! gosh!! how things have changed and how life had brought me into series of journey.... some makes me fly high and help me touch the beautiful rainbows, and some just pulled me down real hard till at one point, it's hard for me to get up...
but, that's life..!! and i know life will never stop teaching me and leave me experiencing all these different emotions and situations...
and now, as i am here in my hostel room for the last time since i'll be checking out tomorrow morning, wooahh!! i can't wait for a new semester and having a new room... haha.. look at me, i didn't go back home yet for this trimester break, and yet, i can't wait for next sem.. hahaha...
Saturday, May 1, 2010
how u gonna fix it?
it's that type of pain,
that you feel deep inside.
it's that type of pain,
that makes you pray,
that makes you cry.
but it's going to be alright one day,
this too shall pass.
sometimes you gotta go through the pain to experience the joy,
this too shall pass,
THIS TOO SHALL PASS..
-damaged by danity kane-
that you feel deep inside.
it's that type of pain,
that makes you pray,
that makes you cry.
but it's going to be alright one day,
this too shall pass.
sometimes you gotta go through the pain to experience the joy,
this too shall pass,
THIS TOO SHALL PASS..
-damaged by danity kane-
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
...SEPI....
SEPI
Bisikku pada bulan,
Kembalikan temanku,
Kekasihku, Syurgaku.
Tanpa dia,
Malam menemaniku,
Sepi memelukku.
Bulan,
Jangan biar siang,
Biar alam ini kelam,
Biar ia sepi,
Sepertiku.
extracted from the movie SEPI..
Bisikku pada bulan,
Kembalikan temanku,
Kekasihku, Syurgaku.
Tanpa dia,
Malam menemaniku,
Sepi memelukku.
Bulan,
Jangan biar siang,
Biar alam ini kelam,
Biar ia sepi,
Sepertiku.
extracted from the movie SEPI..
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
the mystery of human being
i've been wondering all this while about people at times. you see, human being are very complicated.. people might say girls are complicated and think far too much about stuff, but in reality, we are all like that.. whether ur a guy or a girl, a man or a woman, children, parents, whoever we are.
sometimes, when we watch drama series or movies, there are always this antagonist character which is so violent, or evil or just do whatever they want to do as long as they get what they want.. and have you ever wonder that all these characters, can it be true..??? could there be a normal human being who have this very negative energy around them.. well, after seeing a lot of dramas in my own family and others this past few months, i can now say that, there is such people who have this very evil mind...
and i think i can see it in my life as well.. it might not be THAT evil...not as evil as some other people in someone's life i know... but yeah, it's kinda weird how people think at times..
people might say that this person backstabbed me... but, i guess the fact that i don't see it with my own eyes(duh! it's call backstab.. if u see it, then it's not gonna be from the back right..??) so, i still can't say that this person had an intention to do so... but yeah, i know how this person is.. her character... and obviously, many people are starting to notice this..
but what can i do? i will be trying to avoid her, but somehow she's gonna be there... at the place where i am... gosh! all the love you gave to me, so it's only a lie, or it's your way to get into my way... haihh.. people are a mystery aren't they..??
sometimes, when we watch drama series or movies, there are always this antagonist character which is so violent, or evil or just do whatever they want to do as long as they get what they want.. and have you ever wonder that all these characters, can it be true..??? could there be a normal human being who have this very negative energy around them.. well, after seeing a lot of dramas in my own family and others this past few months, i can now say that, there is such people who have this very evil mind...
and i think i can see it in my life as well.. it might not be THAT evil...not as evil as some other people in someone's life i know... but yeah, it's kinda weird how people think at times..
people might say that this person backstabbed me... but, i guess the fact that i don't see it with my own eyes(duh! it's call backstab.. if u see it, then it's not gonna be from the back right..??) so, i still can't say that this person had an intention to do so... but yeah, i know how this person is.. her character... and obviously, many people are starting to notice this..
but what can i do? i will be trying to avoid her, but somehow she's gonna be there... at the place where i am... gosh! all the love you gave to me, so it's only a lie, or it's your way to get into my way... haihh.. people are a mystery aren't they..??
Monday, March 22, 2010
never backed down...
eventhough i can see that there's no way of turning back and be like how we were before, it's just what i feel.. i'm not gonna be putting my white flag up that easy.
i know you think that i shouldn't still love you
or tell you that
But if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise i'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But i will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above
I'm in love and always will be
I know i left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And i caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then i'm sure that that makes sense
But i will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet which i'm sure we will
All that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that i've moved on
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be~
i know you think that i shouldn't still love you
or tell you that
But if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise i'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But i will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above
I'm in love and always will be
I know i left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And i caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then i'm sure that that makes sense
But i will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet which i'm sure we will
All that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that i've moved on
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And i won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be~
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
if....
i thought i'm getting better, but the real fact is that i'm just in a much worse position.... my mind just can't stop thinking about all this... at times i'll be super chirpy.. then later i'll be super down...... i pity my friends the most.. cos i just can't stop talking about it... huhuhu
Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh dimata dekat di hati
Sempat terpikir 'tuk kembali
Walau beda akan ku jalani
Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi
can i....????
Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh dimata dekat di hati
Sempat terpikir 'tuk kembali
Walau beda akan ku jalani
Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi
Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh dimata dekat di hati
Apakah sama yang kurasa
Ingin jumpa walau ada segan
Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu
Jika memang masih bisa
Mulutku berbicara
Santun kata yang ingin terucap
Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku
Kita masih muda
Dalam mencari keputusan
Maafkan daku ingin kembali
Seumpama ada jalan 'tuk kembali
Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh dimata dekat di hati
Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi
Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh dimata dekat di hati
Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu
can i....????
Monday, March 15, 2010
dreams do come true... even if it's bad
last week i dreamt of me breaking up with my boyfriend.. was a very scary one, and the thought of it gives me chills to the bone..
but, as i said, dreams do come true... even if it's nightmares... yes, we broke up..
am i sad? yes, of course... i cried like hell in front of my friends cos i was not expecting it at all...
the reason? it's something that just can't work if only one person is trying to work it out, while the other is not showing any sign of trying to work thing out..
what am i going to do? i don't know... guess i just have to let go all the things that i have planned for 'our' future.. but still don't know what to do with the pictures of us that i jus print out and framed..
are you guys ok? we're still friends.... but we'll see how it goes...
yes, i lied when i didn't cry and i was smiling the whole time... i want him so bad that it hurts me sooo..soo..deeply when i know that he doesn't feel the same way as i do...
guess the singlehood magnetic is too strong on me that i can't endure the relationship that i cherished and contributed the most...
but, as i said, dreams do come true... even if it's nightmares... yes, we broke up..
am i sad? yes, of course... i cried like hell in front of my friends cos i was not expecting it at all...
the reason? it's something that just can't work if only one person is trying to work it out, while the other is not showing any sign of trying to work thing out..
what am i going to do? i don't know... guess i just have to let go all the things that i have planned for 'our' future.. but still don't know what to do with the pictures of us that i jus print out and framed..
are you guys ok? we're still friends.... but we'll see how it goes...
yes, i lied when i didn't cry and i was smiling the whole time... i want him so bad that it hurts me sooo..soo..deeply when i know that he doesn't feel the same way as i do...
guess the singlehood magnetic is too strong on me that i can't endure the relationship that i cherished and contributed the most...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
black spot
at first, i was meaning to write on the wonderful day of my valentine's day, but then something occured that just makes me change my mind... well, before i start, how was ur v-day! happy belated v-day everyone!!!! hihihi.. mine was just great! was in dungun n kuantan on that day, while my bf is in terengganu... that is a very nice v-day! lol.. it's no biggie actually considering that at last we text each other more often than before.. lol
anyways, back to the main story..... yes, while we were still happy and laughing a lot, there's of course some black holes started to interfere.. it was not a good one though.. it's a very..very black spot... isn't it funny how people can change just because there's some influence from other people..??
i remembered last time, when we're in secondary school, for bahasa melayu's essay, we would always have to write about 'Faktor-faktor kegiatan dadah semakin berleluasa' or 'Punca-punca remaja terlibat dengan gangsterisme' and what not.. and of course, one of the factor would be influenced by the peers. BUT, have you ever think that the worst thing that might happened to someone, or better yet, ruined two families apart might be because of the influenced of the parents itself..???
and who said parents can't influenced their kids..?? especially the OBEDIENT ones, who will only listents to their parents and their parents only..
i am not here to judge anyone, but it's something ridiculous to think about it. yes, it's not wrong to love and obey your parents, it's a very very good thing actually.. but when you're too obsessed with what your parents are saying, you neglect other people's feelings, and when you do that, then you are just not good in making decision about YOUR OWN LIFE, and keep depending on your parents to come out with the answers..
just put in a position where you are a grown man/woman, and you still depend on your parents choice of words to make it your own... isn't it bad..??? like i said again and again, it's not bad to obey your parents, but it's your life, you have your own say.. and you have to make your own decision.. if you have a problem with someone you talk to that someone, and settle it then.. you don't go and nag to your parents, and hope that the problem with that someone will solve that instant. tell that someone how u feel, then only u and that person can settle things out.
you just have to have a bigger scope in life cos you are just seeing things from a tiny mini telescope... GOD give u eyes to see, so use your eyes to see..!! if you use your eyes wisely you can see what's missing.. but, if you use that telescope 24/7 you will never see what's around you.. please don't be a boy or a girl, who loves their telescope a lot that they even have it by their side while sleeping.. now that's the real definition of being childish.. come on, people!! grow up! make your own decisions! if you are above 21, well definitely you need to start making your own decisions!!!
i do not write this to hurt anyone's feelings or to humiliate anyone.. it's just a thought that crosses my mind.. if i hurt anyone in any other way, wooahh trust me! we've been in a situation that is waaaaayyy worse than this... you can say i'm a bit harsh with my words, but this is not even a quarter of what i really wanted to write.. this is the best i can give you.. if you say this just humiliated you in any other way, well, suit yourself!! i didn't mention any names and i didn't point fingers.. so if you 'terasa' than it's not my problem, is it?
people, whatever you do follow your guts, and do what your guts tells you to do, cos that is somehow yor inner fortune-teller, and it's one way for GOD to tell you to make the right decision. and please...please..PLEASE.. make your own decisions in life... asking parents and friends' opinions are fine... but when it comes to making the final decision, it's your own choice...
anyways, back to the main story..... yes, while we were still happy and laughing a lot, there's of course some black holes started to interfere.. it was not a good one though.. it's a very..very black spot... isn't it funny how people can change just because there's some influence from other people..??
i remembered last time, when we're in secondary school, for bahasa melayu's essay, we would always have to write about 'Faktor-faktor kegiatan dadah semakin berleluasa' or 'Punca-punca remaja terlibat dengan gangsterisme' and what not.. and of course, one of the factor would be influenced by the peers. BUT, have you ever think that the worst thing that might happened to someone, or better yet, ruined two families apart might be because of the influenced of the parents itself..???
and who said parents can't influenced their kids..?? especially the OBEDIENT ones, who will only listents to their parents and their parents only..
i am not here to judge anyone, but it's something ridiculous to think about it. yes, it's not wrong to love and obey your parents, it's a very very good thing actually.. but when you're too obsessed with what your parents are saying, you neglect other people's feelings, and when you do that, then you are just not good in making decision about YOUR OWN LIFE, and keep depending on your parents to come out with the answers..
just put in a position where you are a grown man/woman, and you still depend on your parents choice of words to make it your own... isn't it bad..??? like i said again and again, it's not bad to obey your parents, but it's your life, you have your own say.. and you have to make your own decision.. if you have a problem with someone you talk to that someone, and settle it then.. you don't go and nag to your parents, and hope that the problem with that someone will solve that instant. tell that someone how u feel, then only u and that person can settle things out.
you just have to have a bigger scope in life cos you are just seeing things from a tiny mini telescope... GOD give u eyes to see, so use your eyes to see..!! if you use your eyes wisely you can see what's missing.. but, if you use that telescope 24/7 you will never see what's around you.. please don't be a boy or a girl, who loves their telescope a lot that they even have it by their side while sleeping.. now that's the real definition of being childish.. come on, people!! grow up! make your own decisions! if you are above 21, well definitely you need to start making your own decisions!!!
i do not write this to hurt anyone's feelings or to humiliate anyone.. it's just a thought that crosses my mind.. if i hurt anyone in any other way, wooahh trust me! we've been in a situation that is waaaaayyy worse than this... you can say i'm a bit harsh with my words, but this is not even a quarter of what i really wanted to write.. this is the best i can give you.. if you say this just humiliated you in any other way, well, suit yourself!! i didn't mention any names and i didn't point fingers.. so if you 'terasa' than it's not my problem, is it?
people, whatever you do follow your guts, and do what your guts tells you to do, cos that is somehow yor inner fortune-teller, and it's one way for GOD to tell you to make the right decision. and please...please..PLEASE.. make your own decisions in life... asking parents and friends' opinions are fine... but when it comes to making the final decision, it's your own choice...
Monday, January 25, 2010
THE ART OF LOVE
I'm saying sorry in advance cause this won't always go to plan
Though we don't mean to take our love for granted
It's in our nature to forget what matters
How when the going is getting tough
And we're all about giving up
Things that we never thought we'd gonna say, gonna say them
Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them
It ain't perfect, but it's worth it
And it's always getting better
It's gonna take some time to get it right
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
If I forget to get the door
Remind you that you're beautiful
I know my detail requires more attention
If I ever hurt you it's not my intention
Cause we're gonna make our mistakes
Find out how much your heart can take
But I know that you got my back
And baby I got yours
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
Sometimes I'm gonna miss
I'm still learning how to give
I'm not giving up
I'm still learning how to love
Learning how to love...
Learning how to love
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
(The art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still trying to learn the art of love
Still learning, I'm still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
I'm gonna get it sometimes, cause I'm still learning
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
The art art of love
-Jordin Sparks & Guy Sebastian-
Though we don't mean to take our love for granted
It's in our nature to forget what matters
How when the going is getting tough
And we're all about giving up
Things that we never thought we'd gonna say, gonna say them
Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them
It ain't perfect, but it's worth it
And it's always getting better
It's gonna take some time to get it right
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
If I forget to get the door
Remind you that you're beautiful
I know my detail requires more attention
If I ever hurt you it's not my intention
Cause we're gonna make our mistakes
Find out how much your heart can take
But I know that you got my back
And baby I got yours
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
Sometimes I'm gonna miss
I'm still learning how to give
I'm not giving up
I'm still learning how to love
Learning how to love...
Learning how to love
Cause I'm still learning the art of love
I'm still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
(The art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still trying to learn the art of love
Still learning, I'm still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
I'm gonna get it sometimes, cause I'm still learning
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
The art art of love
-Jordin Sparks & Guy Sebastian-
Saturday, January 23, 2010
trust vs communication
all these years, i've always thought that TRUST is the most important thing in a relationship.. without trust, everything else will fall apart.. without trust, the slightest and the smallest thing in the world can welcome a huge problem to that couple's life..
whenever my friends come to me and ask my opinion on their relationship problems, i've always said that, trust is the most important thing.. when they do not give 100% trust to their partner, suspicions starts rolling in, and thus, fight will occur in the relationship..
n till today, i've always believe in that theory.. and that is what i've gambled in my relationship right now... 100% if not more trust to my partner.. and that is why i've been seen as a very laid back gf, and sometimes people might think that i don't care about my bf, which was totally the opposite thing.. of course i care about him, but that is the way of me expressing it, by giving him the full freedom of what he wants to do and what he does not want to do..AS LONG AS he knows his priorities and also my status in his life..
but after today, i think i might have a different perception on the most important thing in one relationship.. instead of putting trust as the number one key to a healthy relationship, COMMUNICATION plays a significant role as well..
i think what i'm lacking now is communication.. when there's no communication, u keep on keeping in what you feel about certain things.. when you keep it in, when the same thing occur over and over again, u can't help but to feel like ur heart is swelling by the minute.. and i'm sure at one point, when u really can't take it, everything will be exploded and the world war history will come to live again..
not that you have to tell every single thing that you feel inside you.. there are things that you need to learn to give and take.. you can't expect our partner to be the most perfect person in the world, and so does your partner towards you.. there are things you can just let it go, and take it as his/her unique side, and there are things that you need to speak out when you know it might get worse later on..
and it will be even funnier and weird, when what you are feeling right now is also felt by your partner.. and you only knew on what he/she feels from a mutual friend of both of you.. it is just another proof that both of you are not communicating well.. so, SPEAK OUT, will you!!!
whenever my friends come to me and ask my opinion on their relationship problems, i've always said that, trust is the most important thing.. when they do not give 100% trust to their partner, suspicions starts rolling in, and thus, fight will occur in the relationship..
n till today, i've always believe in that theory.. and that is what i've gambled in my relationship right now... 100% if not more trust to my partner.. and that is why i've been seen as a very laid back gf, and sometimes people might think that i don't care about my bf, which was totally the opposite thing.. of course i care about him, but that is the way of me expressing it, by giving him the full freedom of what he wants to do and what he does not want to do..AS LONG AS he knows his priorities and also my status in his life..
but after today, i think i might have a different perception on the most important thing in one relationship.. instead of putting trust as the number one key to a healthy relationship, COMMUNICATION plays a significant role as well..
i think what i'm lacking now is communication.. when there's no communication, u keep on keeping in what you feel about certain things.. when you keep it in, when the same thing occur over and over again, u can't help but to feel like ur heart is swelling by the minute.. and i'm sure at one point, when u really can't take it, everything will be exploded and the world war history will come to live again..
not that you have to tell every single thing that you feel inside you.. there are things that you need to learn to give and take.. you can't expect our partner to be the most perfect person in the world, and so does your partner towards you.. there are things you can just let it go, and take it as his/her unique side, and there are things that you need to speak out when you know it might get worse later on..
and it will be even funnier and weird, when what you are feeling right now is also felt by your partner.. and you only knew on what he/she feels from a mutual friend of both of you.. it is just another proof that both of you are not communicating well.. so, SPEAK OUT, will you!!!
Monday, January 4, 2010
2010
2010 is finally here, baby!!!! woot!woot! too bad didn't get to celebrate it in kl, because of kak nisa's wedding in terengganu on the 1st of january.. (congrats on ur wedding!!) well, for this new year, it would be great to have new resolutions for myself.. thinking back on last year's resolutions, well, yes, i did not fulfill the resolutions.. but it's for the best, and i have a better life when i did not fulfill the resolutions.. lol.. for this year, hmm.. i have a few of it.. and here it goes...
1. to stay loyal in the relationship i'm in.... *booboo*
2. to score better in exams.. n not take anything or granted in my studies..
3. to have the best n enjoying year of my life.. without forgettin my 2nd resolution..
4. try to lose a couple of pounds.. hihihi..
there's more points actually, but these are the main ones, n it should run through all year long... hoping that i won't be forgetting this..
HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE!!!!!!
1. to stay loyal in the relationship i'm in.... *booboo*
2. to score better in exams.. n not take anything or granted in my studies..
3. to have the best n enjoying year of my life.. without forgettin my 2nd resolution..
4. try to lose a couple of pounds.. hihihi..
there's more points actually, but these are the main ones, n it should run through all year long... hoping that i won't be forgetting this..
HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE!!!!!!
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