Friday, August 13, 2010
let me get this straight... i just kinda notice this in me.. cos i can slowly see it in me that i have this weird characteristics... i can say myself as a chameleon, yes, chameleon is this animal in the picture.. the one that can change it's color depending on the environment it's in.. if it's laying on a green grass, then it will change it's color to green, and so on..
so, why do i say that i am like a chameleon..? well, despite the laziness i have and a bigger lower body part than the rest of the body, i feel like my characteristics changes depending on the circle of friends i'm with..
so, why do i say that, i'll ask again.. well i realised that i treat people based on how they treat me, eventhough my heart don't really mean it that way.. sometimes, i feel like i have split personalities.. hehe.. ok, for instance, let's say, you are one caring person towards me, which means that you care about me, you always ask me about my whereabouts, what i like, what i don't like, or even telling me if there's something wrong with me, then i'll treat that person the same way. i ADAPT myself to that kind of characteristics. so, i'll be doing the same thing to that person.. i will show that i care, i will always ask if they are ok, and anything in between that.
and of course there are people who gives me a total opposite treatment.. texting me is not a frequent thing to do, asking me out is not something that you like to do, or showing that you care is an impossible thing for you to do, then i'll be doing the same thing to you too!! i'll try to ignore your existence (eventhough my heart wants to talk to you badly), i won't text you unless i need to (eventhough my hands wants to type your name and send a text message even if to say 'hi', and when there is a serious need to text you, i will be doing that in split seconds) and i would not ask you out ( eventhough my eyes wants to see you badly each day).. so yeah, if you are that kind of person, i will treat you that way..
i am super fine with that kind of chameleon characteristics i have until i realised that it is not making me super happy about it especially to someone that i really want to care badly.. i know that that person is not treating me well, and i can't blame him alone, cos i am doing the same thing too.. i might say that i try to work things out, but how hard did i try to work things out and get what i want..
yes, people say, JUST BE YOURSELF... but i am being myself.. THIS IS ME.. this is me with the chameleon characteristics.. i'm not trying to impress anybody at any time.. this is just who i am.. cos for me, different people needs different treatments and approaches to communicate with them.. but why NOW, i want to change that because of one person..? i will slowly sometimes put down my ego and my pride so that i can get a total different treatment that i really want badly..
so, how do i get this to him? to make him realised how badly i'm feeling inside.. how uneasy i am when i don't talk to you when you're right there in front of me.. how i wake up every morning hoping that i'll get a text message from him, even if that means that text message was from the previous night, but i just didn't realise it cos i was sleeping.. how restless i am thinking that whether i should cal u or not, if i'm in a big deep problem, and i need someone that can help me, but i'm just afraid to call you cos i'm scared that i will be another burden in your life or even bother you during that time..
so, can someone help me.. and guide me... tell me whether i should really change myself for this one person, or stay as i am...THE CHAMELEON