Monday, June 1, 2009

deja vu

my life especially yesterday was a total dejavu moment.. what is dejavu? deja vu is something that already happened in the past, but are happening it again today..
that is what i was experiencing yesterday, n a few days back..

ok, u know about that crush thing about AZ, well, he's in and out of my mind constantly, even when i was on my way to penang yesterday on a 2 days trip with my family there.. that itself, is a deja vu moment there, cos i had this crush on this one guy last time during school days that made me really out of my mind..

that night, i was just talking to my sister in the car, while waiting for my mom n my younger sis to buy some food for dinner.. can't remember how the issue was brought up, bt suddenly she said let's text him..

i was fooling around and gave my phone to her, without ever thinking that she really might do it.. and she did! and of course, i was hoping for him to reply it, i'd be lying if i don't!

but, he didn't reply it, which makes me even sadder thinking that he didn't want to reply my message.. ugghhh!!!! that part was a big bummer.. n i think i experienced that too last time..

and at last when we got back to the hotel room, i didn't checked my phone, until my sis had taken her bath, and he actually replied! woohoo..

n we text each other a few texts, but it felt totally like i was the guy doing all the getting to know part, and he's the girl, giving me all these answers.. the table has been turned and specifically MY table has been turned, of all the people's table.. hmmphhh..

and while texting him, i realised that i have that feeling at the exact same place as what i felt last time with my last ex..

cos last time, when i just got together with my last bf was when i was vacationing in penang with my family, and we stayed in this one suite in gurney hotel..
and yesterday, we also stayed in a suite there, which really reminded me of that geeky and bubbly feeling at that moment.. i am totally screwed!

you might think why am i feeling this way,if the last post i said was i don't feel anything about whatever is happening right now..

yes, i still don't mind about everything, but of course there will be part of me still thinks the 'what if...' situation..

what if...i try talking to him? what if..he actually likes me? what if..?what if..?what if...?what if..?

all these disturbed my feelin all day long, and i hate it, cos it's maing me weak, and i don't like that feeling cos i just got my strength..

if what happened in the past are actually gonna happened to me again, then i won't have any chances with him, and i'm gonna get heartbroken over again..
but this time, hopefully i have my sister and her friends to support me.. ehehehe..

stay strong, ME!!!!!!

No comments: