the mystery of human being

i've been wondering all this while about people at times. you see, human being are very complicated.. people might say girls are complicated and think far too much about stuff, but in reality, we are all like that.. whether ur a guy or a girl, a man or a woman, children, parents, whoever we are.

sometimes, when we watch drama series or movies, there are always this antagonist character which is so violent, or evil or just do whatever they want to do as long as they get what they want.. and have you ever wonder that all these characters, can it be true..??? could there be a normal human being who have this very negative energy around them.. well, after seeing a lot of dramas in my own family and others this past few months, i can now say that, there is such people who have this very evil mind...

and i think i can see it in my life as well.. it might not be THAT evil...not as evil as some other people in someone's life i know... but yeah, it's kinda weird how people think at times..

people might say that this person backstabbed me... but, i guess the fact that i don't see it with my own eyes(duh! it's call backstab.. if u see it, then it's not gonna be from the back right..??) so, i still can't say that this person had an intention to do so... but yeah, i know how this person is.. her character... and obviously, many people are starting to notice this..

but what can i do? i will be trying to avoid her, but somehow she's gonna be there... at the place where i am... gosh! all the love you gave to me, so it's only a lie, or it's your way to get into my way... haihh.. people are a mystery aren't they..??

never backed down...

eventhough i can see that there's no way of turning back and be like how we were before, it's just what i feel.. i'm not gonna be putting my white flag up that easy.

i know you think that i shouldn't still love you

or tell you that

But if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it

Where's the sense in that?



I promise i'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were



But i will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above

I'm in love and always will be



I know i left too much mess and destruction

To come back again

And i caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again



And if you live by the rules of it's over

Then i'm sure that that makes sense



But i will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above

I'm in love and always will be



And when we meet which i'm sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I'll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that i've moved on



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be~

if....

i thought i'm getting better, but the real fact is that i'm just in a much worse position.... my mind just can't stop thinking about all this... at times i'll be super chirpy.. then later i'll be super down...... i pity my friends the most.. cos i just can't stop talking about it... huhuhu

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Sempat terpikir 'tuk kembali

Walau beda akan ku jalani

Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Apakah sama yang kurasa

Ingin jumpa walau ada segan

Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

Jika memang masih bisa

Mulutku berbicara

Santun kata yang ingin terucap

Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku

Kita masih muda

Dalam mencari keputusan

Maafkan daku ingin kembali

Seumpama ada jalan 'tuk kembali

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

can i....????

dreams do come true... even if it's bad

last week i dreamt of me breaking up with my boyfriend.. was a very scary one, and the thought of it gives me chills to the bone..

but, as i said, dreams do come true... even if it's nightmares... yes, we broke up..

am i sad? yes, of course... i cried like hell in front of my friends cos i was not expecting it at all...

the reason? it's something that just can't work if only one person is trying to work it out, while the other is not showing any sign of trying to work thing out..

what am i going to do? i don't know... guess i just have to let go all the things that i have planned for 'our' future.. but still don't know what to do with the pictures of us that i jus print out and framed..

are you guys ok? we're still friends.... but we'll see how it goes...

yes, i lied when i didn't cry and i was smiling the whole time... i want him so bad that it hurts me sooo..soo..deeply when i know that he doesn't feel the same way as i do...

guess the singlehood magnetic is too strong on me that i can't endure the relationship that i cherished and contributed the most...

black spot

at first, i was meaning to write on the wonderful day of my valentine's day, but then something occured that just makes me change my mind... well, before i start, how was ur v-day! happy belated v-day everyone!!!! hihihi.. mine was just great! was in dungun n kuantan on that day, while my bf is in terengganu... that is a very nice v-day! lol.. it's no biggie actually considering that at last we text each other more often than before.. lol

anyways, back to the main story..... yes, while we were still happy and laughing a lot, there's of course some black holes started to interfere.. it was not a good one though.. it's a very..very black spot... isn't it funny how people can change just because there's some influence from other people..??

i remembered last time, when we're in secondary school, for bahasa melayu's essay, we would always have to write about 'Faktor-faktor kegiatan dadah semakin berleluasa' or 'Punca-punca remaja terlibat dengan gangsterisme' and what not.. and of course, one of the factor would be influenced by the peers. BUT, have you ever think that the worst thing that might happened to someone, or better yet, ruined two families apart might be because of the influenced of the parents itself..???

and who said parents can't influenced their kids..?? especially the OBEDIENT ones, who will only listents to their parents and their parents only..

i am not here to judge anyone, but it's something ridiculous to think about it. yes, it's not wrong to love and obey your parents, it's a very very good thing actually.. but when you're too obsessed with what your parents are saying, you neglect other people's feelings, and when you do that, then you are just not good in making decision about YOUR OWN LIFE, and keep depending on your parents to come out with the answers..

just put in a position where you are a grown man/woman, and you still depend on your parents choice of words to make it your own... isn't it bad..??? like i said again and again, it's not bad to obey your parents, but it's your life, you have your own say.. and you have to make your own decision.. if you have a problem with someone you talk to that someone, and settle it then.. you don't go and nag to your parents, and hope that the problem with that someone will solve that instant. tell that someone how u feel, then only u and that person can settle things out.

you just have to have a bigger scope in life cos you are just seeing things from a tiny mini telescope... GOD give u eyes to see, so use your eyes to see..!! if you use your eyes wisely you can see what's missing.. but, if you use that telescope 24/7 you will never see what's around you.. please don't be a boy or a girl, who loves their telescope a lot that they even have it by their side while sleeping.. now that's the real definition of being childish.. come on, people!! grow up! make your own decisions! if you are above 21, well definitely you need to start making your own decisions!!!

i do not write this to hurt anyone's feelings or to humiliate anyone.. it's just a thought that crosses my mind.. if i hurt anyone in any other way, wooahh trust me! we've been in a situation that is waaaaayyy worse than this... you can say i'm a bit harsh with my words, but this is not even a quarter of what i really wanted to write.. this is the best i can give you.. if you say this just humiliated you in any other way, well, suit yourself!! i didn't mention any names and i didn't point fingers.. so if you 'terasa' than it's not my problem, is it?

people, whatever you do follow your guts, and do what your guts tells you to do, cos that is somehow yor inner fortune-teller, and it's one way for GOD to tell you to make the right decision. and please...please..PLEASE.. make your own decisions in life... asking parents and friends' opinions are fine... but when it comes to making the final decision, it's your own choice...

THE ART OF LOVE

I'm saying sorry in advance cause this won't always go to plan

Though we don't mean to take our love for granted

It's in our nature to forget what matters

How when the going is getting tough

And we're all about giving up

Things that we never thought we'd gonna say, gonna say them

Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them

It ain't perfect, but it's worth it

And it's always getting better

It's gonna take some time to get it right



Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love



If I forget to get the door

Remind you that you're beautiful

I know my detail requires more attention

If I ever hurt you it's not my intention

Cause we're gonna make our mistakes

Find out how much your heart can take

But I know that you got my back

And baby I got yours


Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love



Sometimes I'm gonna miss

I'm still learning how to give

I'm not giving up

I'm still learning how to love

Learning how to love...

Learning how to love



Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love

(The art of love)


Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still trying to learn the art of love

Still learning, I'm still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

I'm gonna get it sometimes, cause I'm still learning

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

The art art of love


-Jordin Sparks & Guy Sebastian-

trust vs communication

all these years, i've always thought that TRUST is the most important thing in a relationship.. without trust, everything else will fall apart.. without trust, the slightest and the smallest thing in the world can welcome a huge problem to that couple's life..


whenever my friends come to me and ask my opinion on their relationship problems, i've always said that, trust is the most important thing.. when they do not give 100% trust to their partner, suspicions starts rolling in, and thus, fight will occur in the relationship..


n till today, i've always believe in that theory.. and that is what i've gambled in my relationship right now... 100% if not more trust to my partner.. and that is why i've been seen as a very laid back gf, and sometimes people might think that i don't care about my bf, which was totally the opposite thing.. of course i care about him, but that is the way of me expressing it, by giving him the full freedom of what he wants to do and what he does not want to do..AS LONG AS he knows his priorities and also my status in his life..

but after today, i think i might have a different perception on the most important thing in one relationship.. instead of putting trust as the number one key to a healthy relationship, COMMUNICATION plays a significant role as well..

i think what i'm lacking now is communication.. when there's no communication, u keep on keeping in what you feel about certain things.. when you keep it in, when the same thing occur over and over again, u can't help but to feel like ur heart is swelling by the minute.. and i'm sure at one point, when u really can't take it, everything will be exploded and the world war history will come to live again..

not that you have to tell every single thing that you feel inside you.. there are things that you need to learn to give and take.. you can't expect our partner to be the most perfect person in the world, and so does your partner towards you.. there are things you can just let it go, and take it as his/her unique side, and there are things that you need to speak out when you know it might get worse later on..

and it will be even funnier and weird, when what you are feeling right now is also felt by your partner.. and you only knew on what he/she feels from a mutual friend of both of you.. it is just another proof that both of you are not communicating well.. so, SPEAK OUT, will you!!!