secrecy

is there a single person who doesn't have at least a secret in life..? it's gonna be a total bullshit (mind my words) if they say so.. i mean, come on, everyone have secrets... but the difference are whether its a big one or a very small secret that if people finally found out, it's not gonna be a big deal.. but still.. secrets are still secrets right..?

why do people keep things a secret..? it must be because it's kind of a big deal to them right.. ok, ignore i said that there's small and big secrets.. every secret that people have in their life have its own degree of seriousness in it.. and coming back to my question.... why do we have secrets..? well, it might be because that you are ashamed of the thing that you're hiding, or you're scared that people might brag about that thing that you prefer to keep it a secret..it might also be because you're scared that when the thing you're trying to cover up are known by others, then you're gonna be in a big trouble... or it can also be because of you're trying to protect someone you love or you care dearly from getting hurt or anything like that..but, hey, not all secrets have negative vibes in it.. there's also good secrets.. for example, surprising your friend on his or her birthday, surprising your boyfriend/girlfriend with presents cos you just feel like surprising them, or surprising people for fun!

so, what type of secrets do YOU have the most..? the good ones or the bad ones..? it is all up to you what things or incidents that you feel best to keep it a secret.. some secrets are better off kept as a secret, and some secrets are giving ways and lights to others if you blurt it out..

you should think for yourself, ask your guts, whether which one is the best.. do not let the people you're trying to keep a secret from feel betrayed or left out or anything like that once they know the secrets from someone else, when they feel like the secret better off to be told..

for me, hmmm.. secrets are secrets.. i choose to keep it a secret, when i feel like it should be a secret.. but, if i feel like it's bringing more good to blurt it out to others, then i'll just tell it out.. however, if people keeping secrets from me.. and i finally find it out from someone else, then it's gonna hurt me very much inside.. cos i was hoping that person to be the person that i depend most on.. but once you are keeping secrets from me, and when it is obviously have so much to do with me, then i will feel...hmmm...not a very pleasant feeling i can tell you..
and i'll normally leave it like that.. if you are trying to keep it a secret from me, bt then, i end up finding it out from others, then, i'll let it be like that.. maybe that person has their own reasons why do that..

but when it comes to relationship, keeping things a secret, especially when it's not gonna be a secret anymore anytime soon, then i will feel hurt, a bit.. and i prefer to NOT know about that secret, cos it's obviously gonna hurt me more if i do know from others. that person might at least have a little bit of kindness to know that the thing that they're hiding from me, would hurt me at the end of the day...


Somebody said they saw you.

The person you were kissing wasn't me.

And I will never ask you.

I just kept it to myself.



(Chorus)

I don't wanna know

If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.

'cause my heart can't take it anymore.

and if you're creepin please don't let it show.

Oh baby, I don't want to know.

(0hhhh, baby.)




I think about it when I hold you.

When lookin' in your eyes - I can't believe.

I don't need to know the truth.

Baby, keep it to yourself.



(Chorus)

I don't wanna know.

If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.

'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.

and if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.

Oh baby, I don't want to know.




Did SHE touch you better than me? (Touch you better than me?)

Did SHE watch you fall asleep? (Watch you fall asleep, baby?)

Did SHE show you all those things? (0hhhh)

and the things you do to me (do to me, baby)

If you're better off that way,(Better off that way)

then it's more than I can say. (More than I can say)

If you want to do your thing,(Oh!)

Boy, then stay away from me.(Stay away from me, baby)




(P-Diddy)

I know when your where-abouts or how you movin'.

I know when you're in the house or when you crusin'.(uh-huh)

It's been proven - My love you abusin'.

I can't understand how a GIRL got you choosin'.

Undecided, I came and provided my,

Undivided, you came and denied it.(Why)

Don't even try it I know when you lyin'. (Don't even)

Don't even do that I know why you cryin'.

I'm not applyin no pressure,

I just want to let you know,

That I don't want to let you go.(I don't want to let you go)

And I don't want to let you leave.

Can't say I didn't let you breath.

Gave you extra cheese. (come on)

put you in a SUV.

You wanted ice - so I made you freeze.

Made you hot like the West Indies.(That's right)

NOW IT'S TIME YOU INVEST IN ME.

'Cause if not - then it's best you leave. (Holla, yeah)




(Mario Winans)
I don't wanna know.

If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.

'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.

And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.

Oh baby, I don't want to know.

If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.

'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.

And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.

(0hhhh baby)

I DON'T WANNA KNOW.



~MARIO WINANS - I DON'T WANNA KNOW~

-new phase-

well..well.. this post is especially to a friend of mine who have always been asking me to update my blog n post on the latest story about my life.. what happened after the whole heartbreak thing... how am i been coping up with life? and who is the new BOYFIE i've been mentioning a lot of times on my twitter.. hihi..

ok, let's start on what happened after the whole heart break thing.. well, life was a bit hard for me actually. i guess u can see it from my previous posts where it was mostly about me emoing and stuff like that.. hehe..

after that whole dark spot in my life, i tried to get things right for myself, so i make new friends, i got closer to people who have been around me before this but i less care about..

it was okay at first, despite i still can't get over him before this.. but the situation was not to my liking because, without me doing anything wrong, there's people who still offered me their heart and soul.. ok, maybe that's too much.. but there were people who were showing their concern to me by offering me their hand..

who were the people.. well, let's just me and the people i'm referrig to knows about it.. cosif i'm gonna tell the story of every guy, oh, it's gonna be a super long one.. hehehe..

but seriously, i am very thankful for all these people who have ben very kind to me during the hard times i had.. and i am so sorry cos i just can't move on to another guy just like that. i need time, and you guys are the best at it.. you guys are the most patient people i've ever met..

but, i just can't let go of my past just like that cos i still believe in what i had.. ok, so, let's move on to another story.. if you want to know more about it than u just have to talk to me about it..

ok, anyways..... in this new life and new phase that i am in.... yes, i am happy with it.. and yes, i have moved on.. and yes, i am now in a relationship with someone right now.. and yes, it's gonna be a secret one... not many people might know about this...

heheh.. "who's the guy?" you might ask.. well, let's just say his someone from the past that i love dearly whom i've always believed is my soulmate, and the guy i wanna be married to... and i am so happy with what i have now.. and i thank god for my prayers have been answered.. =)

we are keeping this a secret from the public cos i don't know.. i don't want it to be jinx.. it's better if no one knows about us, and we'll keep it cool about it... when the right time comes, then we will reveal it to our friends.. but for now, only closed friends might know about us, or people who might've seen us together, but that is a very rare case for we seldom go out 'dating' like people always call it.. hehe...

for now, we are both trying to fix and patch up all the mistakes and our own attitude towards the relationship.. hopefully we're taking this more seriously than before..

oh, i think i've revealed too much.. but what i can say is my new boyfriend is not the same boyfriend i had in the past.. this man i love is a guy who i think are trying to make this relationship works and he is also someone who appreciates me more than the guy before this..

so, that's it.. that's all i can tell u.. it's a secret relationship that i have, and this one is a more colourful and vibrant relationship than the plain and effortless relationship i had before.. i love you, boyfie... eventhough right this moment i'm starting to get irritated for the fact that u didn't reply my text! hehe...

reminiscing..

did u ever think 'MAN, TIME FLIES..' ? well, i'm sure everyone had thought about this before.. and it's something that is in my mind for quite sometime now..

i was cleaning up my room today.. oh speaking of which, FINALLY my room looks like a room now.. i'm back to being a real ANAK DARA now, who loves cleaning.. bahahaha..

ok, back to my story.. so, yeah, while cleaning up the room, i was like looking at the academic calendar that was stuck on the wall above my bed.. well, i love to write notes and highlights on important or great events that happened in my life for that one whole academic year... what i did? how's my studies? when's my midterm? events i'm involved in? important dates like birthdays, etc..

but the funniest was how i love counting days... hahahaha.. and if u read my previous posts, then u would know that i've been through 1050 days of single... i keep track on the days by writing down the days on the academic calendars... and of course after 1050 days of being single.. then i had 117 days of NOT being single, and now i'm already on my 59th day of being single again! and all these figures are all in one academic calendar.. bahahaha..

call me a freak or weirdo, but there's reasons why i love counting all these days.. when u count these days, u start to wonder what did u do every single day of your life... i would start wondering whether i've just wasted my time during that 1050, 117 and 59 days..

and see, how time flies... it's MAY now... this times last year, i had a totally different life....!! gosh!! how things have changed and how life had brought me into series of journey.... some makes me fly high and help me touch the beautiful rainbows, and some just pulled me down real hard till at one point, it's hard for me to get up...

but, that's life..!! and i know life will never stop teaching me and leave me experiencing all these different emotions and situations...

and now, as i am here in my hostel room for the last time since i'll be checking out tomorrow morning, wooahh!! i can't wait for a new semester and having a new room... haha.. look at me, i didn't go back home yet for this trimester break, and yet, i can't wait for next sem.. hahaha...

how u gonna fix it?

it's that type of pain,

that you feel deep inside.



it's that type of pain,

that makes you pray,

that makes you cry.



but it's going to be alright one day,


this too shall pass.



sometimes you gotta go through the pain to experience the joy,

this too shall pass,



THIS TOO SHALL PASS..



-damaged by danity kane-

...SEPI....

SEPI




Bisikku pada bulan,

Kembalikan temanku,

Kekasihku, Syurgaku.





Tanpa dia,

Malam menemaniku,

Sepi memelukku.





Bulan,

Jangan biar siang,

Biar alam ini kelam,

Biar ia sepi,

Sepertiku.






extracted from the movie SEPI..

the mystery of human being

i've been wondering all this while about people at times. you see, human being are very complicated.. people might say girls are complicated and think far too much about stuff, but in reality, we are all like that.. whether ur a guy or a girl, a man or a woman, children, parents, whoever we are.

sometimes, when we watch drama series or movies, there are always this antagonist character which is so violent, or evil or just do whatever they want to do as long as they get what they want.. and have you ever wonder that all these characters, can it be true..??? could there be a normal human being who have this very negative energy around them.. well, after seeing a lot of dramas in my own family and others this past few months, i can now say that, there is such people who have this very evil mind...

and i think i can see it in my life as well.. it might not be THAT evil...not as evil as some other people in someone's life i know... but yeah, it's kinda weird how people think at times..

people might say that this person backstabbed me... but, i guess the fact that i don't see it with my own eyes(duh! it's call backstab.. if u see it, then it's not gonna be from the back right..??) so, i still can't say that this person had an intention to do so... but yeah, i know how this person is.. her character... and obviously, many people are starting to notice this..

but what can i do? i will be trying to avoid her, but somehow she's gonna be there... at the place where i am... gosh! all the love you gave to me, so it's only a lie, or it's your way to get into my way... haihh.. people are a mystery aren't they..??

never backed down...

eventhough i can see that there's no way of turning back and be like how we were before, it's just what i feel.. i'm not gonna be putting my white flag up that easy.

i know you think that i shouldn't still love you

or tell you that

But if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it

Where's the sense in that?



I promise i'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were



But i will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above

I'm in love and always will be



I know i left too much mess and destruction

To come back again

And i caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again



And if you live by the rules of it's over

Then i'm sure that that makes sense



But i will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above

I'm in love and always will be



And when we meet which i'm sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I'll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that i've moved on



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship

And i won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be~