if....

i thought i'm getting better, but the real fact is that i'm just in a much worse position.... my mind just can't stop thinking about all this... at times i'll be super chirpy.. then later i'll be super down...... i pity my friends the most.. cos i just can't stop talking about it... huhuhu

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Sempat terpikir 'tuk kembali

Walau beda akan ku jalani

Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Apakah sama yang kurasa

Ingin jumpa walau ada segan

Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

Jika memang masih bisa

Mulutku berbicara

Santun kata yang ingin terucap

Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku

Kita masih muda

Dalam mencari keputusan

Maafkan daku ingin kembali

Seumpama ada jalan 'tuk kembali

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau

Jauh dimata dekat di hati

Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

can i....????

dreams do come true... even if it's bad

last week i dreamt of me breaking up with my boyfriend.. was a very scary one, and the thought of it gives me chills to the bone..

but, as i said, dreams do come true... even if it's nightmares... yes, we broke up..

am i sad? yes, of course... i cried like hell in front of my friends cos i was not expecting it at all...

the reason? it's something that just can't work if only one person is trying to work it out, while the other is not showing any sign of trying to work thing out..

what am i going to do? i don't know... guess i just have to let go all the things that i have planned for 'our' future.. but still don't know what to do with the pictures of us that i jus print out and framed..

are you guys ok? we're still friends.... but we'll see how it goes...

yes, i lied when i didn't cry and i was smiling the whole time... i want him so bad that it hurts me sooo..soo..deeply when i know that he doesn't feel the same way as i do...

guess the singlehood magnetic is too strong on me that i can't endure the relationship that i cherished and contributed the most...

black spot

at first, i was meaning to write on the wonderful day of my valentine's day, but then something occured that just makes me change my mind... well, before i start, how was ur v-day! happy belated v-day everyone!!!! hihihi.. mine was just great! was in dungun n kuantan on that day, while my bf is in terengganu... that is a very nice v-day! lol.. it's no biggie actually considering that at last we text each other more often than before.. lol

anyways, back to the main story..... yes, while we were still happy and laughing a lot, there's of course some black holes started to interfere.. it was not a good one though.. it's a very..very black spot... isn't it funny how people can change just because there's some influence from other people..??

i remembered last time, when we're in secondary school, for bahasa melayu's essay, we would always have to write about 'Faktor-faktor kegiatan dadah semakin berleluasa' or 'Punca-punca remaja terlibat dengan gangsterisme' and what not.. and of course, one of the factor would be influenced by the peers. BUT, have you ever think that the worst thing that might happened to someone, or better yet, ruined two families apart might be because of the influenced of the parents itself..???

and who said parents can't influenced their kids..?? especially the OBEDIENT ones, who will only listents to their parents and their parents only..

i am not here to judge anyone, but it's something ridiculous to think about it. yes, it's not wrong to love and obey your parents, it's a very very good thing actually.. but when you're too obsessed with what your parents are saying, you neglect other people's feelings, and when you do that, then you are just not good in making decision about YOUR OWN LIFE, and keep depending on your parents to come out with the answers..

just put in a position where you are a grown man/woman, and you still depend on your parents choice of words to make it your own... isn't it bad..??? like i said again and again, it's not bad to obey your parents, but it's your life, you have your own say.. and you have to make your own decision.. if you have a problem with someone you talk to that someone, and settle it then.. you don't go and nag to your parents, and hope that the problem with that someone will solve that instant. tell that someone how u feel, then only u and that person can settle things out.

you just have to have a bigger scope in life cos you are just seeing things from a tiny mini telescope... GOD give u eyes to see, so use your eyes to see..!! if you use your eyes wisely you can see what's missing.. but, if you use that telescope 24/7 you will never see what's around you.. please don't be a boy or a girl, who loves their telescope a lot that they even have it by their side while sleeping.. now that's the real definition of being childish.. come on, people!! grow up! make your own decisions! if you are above 21, well definitely you need to start making your own decisions!!!

i do not write this to hurt anyone's feelings or to humiliate anyone.. it's just a thought that crosses my mind.. if i hurt anyone in any other way, wooahh trust me! we've been in a situation that is waaaaayyy worse than this... you can say i'm a bit harsh with my words, but this is not even a quarter of what i really wanted to write.. this is the best i can give you.. if you say this just humiliated you in any other way, well, suit yourself!! i didn't mention any names and i didn't point fingers.. so if you 'terasa' than it's not my problem, is it?

people, whatever you do follow your guts, and do what your guts tells you to do, cos that is somehow yor inner fortune-teller, and it's one way for GOD to tell you to make the right decision. and please...please..PLEASE.. make your own decisions in life... asking parents and friends' opinions are fine... but when it comes to making the final decision, it's your own choice...

THE ART OF LOVE

I'm saying sorry in advance cause this won't always go to plan

Though we don't mean to take our love for granted

It's in our nature to forget what matters

How when the going is getting tough

And we're all about giving up

Things that we never thought we'd gonna say, gonna say them

Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them

It ain't perfect, but it's worth it

And it's always getting better

It's gonna take some time to get it right



Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love



If I forget to get the door

Remind you that you're beautiful

I know my detail requires more attention

If I ever hurt you it's not my intention

Cause we're gonna make our mistakes

Find out how much your heart can take

But I know that you got my back

And baby I got yours


Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love



Sometimes I'm gonna miss

I'm still learning how to give

I'm not giving up

I'm still learning how to love

Learning how to love...

Learning how to love



Cause I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble let me know

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love

(The art of love)


Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still trying to learn the art of love

Still learning, I'm still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

I'm gonna get it sometimes, cause I'm still learning

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

Still learning (art of love)

The art art of love


-Jordin Sparks & Guy Sebastian-

trust vs communication

all these years, i've always thought that TRUST is the most important thing in a relationship.. without trust, everything else will fall apart.. without trust, the slightest and the smallest thing in the world can welcome a huge problem to that couple's life..


whenever my friends come to me and ask my opinion on their relationship problems, i've always said that, trust is the most important thing.. when they do not give 100% trust to their partner, suspicions starts rolling in, and thus, fight will occur in the relationship..


n till today, i've always believe in that theory.. and that is what i've gambled in my relationship right now... 100% if not more trust to my partner.. and that is why i've been seen as a very laid back gf, and sometimes people might think that i don't care about my bf, which was totally the opposite thing.. of course i care about him, but that is the way of me expressing it, by giving him the full freedom of what he wants to do and what he does not want to do..AS LONG AS he knows his priorities and also my status in his life..

but after today, i think i might have a different perception on the most important thing in one relationship.. instead of putting trust as the number one key to a healthy relationship, COMMUNICATION plays a significant role as well..

i think what i'm lacking now is communication.. when there's no communication, u keep on keeping in what you feel about certain things.. when you keep it in, when the same thing occur over and over again, u can't help but to feel like ur heart is swelling by the minute.. and i'm sure at one point, when u really can't take it, everything will be exploded and the world war history will come to live again..

not that you have to tell every single thing that you feel inside you.. there are things that you need to learn to give and take.. you can't expect our partner to be the most perfect person in the world, and so does your partner towards you.. there are things you can just let it go, and take it as his/her unique side, and there are things that you need to speak out when you know it might get worse later on..

and it will be even funnier and weird, when what you are feeling right now is also felt by your partner.. and you only knew on what he/she feels from a mutual friend of both of you.. it is just another proof that both of you are not communicating well.. so, SPEAK OUT, will you!!!

2010

2010 is finally here, baby!!!! woot!woot! too bad didn't get to celebrate it in kl, because of kak nisa's wedding in terengganu on the 1st of january.. (congrats on ur wedding!!) well, for this new year, it would be great to have new resolutions for myself.. thinking back on last year's resolutions, well, yes, i did not fulfill the resolutions.. but it's for the best, and i have a better life when i did not fulfill the resolutions.. lol.. for this year, hmm.. i have a few of it.. and here it goes...

1. to stay loyal in the relationship i'm in.... *booboo*

2. to score better in exams.. n not take anything or granted in my studies..

3. to have the best n enjoying year of my life.. without forgettin my 2nd resolution..

4. try to lose a couple of pounds.. hihihi..

there's more points actually, but these are the main ones, n it should run through all year long... hoping that i won't be forgetting this..

HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE!!!!!!

what happen in 6 months?

well..well.. again, i went out and dissapear myself from any updates on my blog.. well, my blog is not that active anyways.. so, it's no biggie if i didn't update it right..?? n reading my last post, which was in june..wow! how things have changed since then!!! ahahahaha..

to start with, let's update what happen to BGB n AZ ya! BGB... hmm.. i didn't see him anymore ever since that incident at IKEA, don't know why.. i guess, that's just the way GOD wants me to move on with my life.. oh, i did saw him once.. once at oldtown, n that was when i discover that Taufiq is friends with him.. lol go figure! but who cares about him anymore, right..?? lol

anyways, my life starts to be more exciting ever since then.. a few months later, i started talking to this one ex-schoolmate of mine, or better said a senior of mine.. hmm.. let's call him SENIOR ya.. well, we started talking n messaging lik every single day, n true enough, i started to develop feelings for him.. i'm not gonna lie about that.. but people kept on telling me that i can find someone better than that... n i heard that alot! n of course, i started to have doubts on him.. thinking about the future n stuff.. not that i'm saying that he'll not have a reat future or anything, it's just that i'm afraid that i can't cope with my dreams that i have in the future, if we ever get together.. without me telling him about it, he started to grew apart.. but he's still there alright, but there's less conversation between us..

n i think the only reason we didn't get together or the reason why he still waited for the right moment to make it official between us is the fact thati was waiting for my 1000th day of singlehood... haha.. yeap! i counted my single days.. how's that? lol..

ok, coming back to the story, well.... when we started to grew apart little by little, there's this other guy who came along in my life.. at first, it was just a total fling, n i can totally sense that i guess.. let's not name him just yet ya cos it's gonna be a little more interesting later.. hihihi..

where did i meet him? well, he's also a dancer for SAKTI.. but you wanna know something weird..?? if u ask me to recall what can i remember about him during the festival tari, well, i can't remember anything about him.. seriously, i can't recall him in my memory.. lol.. like KEM said, he's my blindspot.. lol.. n we gre closer since the first sem 2nd year, after the midterm break.. n that was when we started flirting n stuff like that..


true enough, he sometimes text me, but i never really take that seriously.. but i started to feel about weird when he dun mind hanging out with me n my frens.. it's weird considering that a guy that ur jus getting to know would not mind hanging out with ur frens.. n then during his birthday, i did a surprise party for him, considering the fact that a week before that, he joined in the surprise party for kim misa n nurul..


n then, we started to get closer.. hanging out with him almost every night.. n that was when i started to get to know his frens too.. well, his frens are dancers to, so it's not that awkward hanging out with them..

there were time when i felt like, ok, maybe he's not that interested in me.. maybe he really is just flirting with me all this while.. so, there were times when i feel like, that's it! i'm soooo over him.. what's the point of waiting for a guy who is not showing signs that he wanted me the way i want him right.. but that was when he'll be even closer to me.. n yeah, i had lost to my own feelings, n yeah the feelings were developing even greater than before.. lol

but i know, that he's not gonna make our relationship official anytime soon.. so, i was just holding on the thoughts to myself.

n then, my birthday came along... at 12 a.m on 18th nov, which was my birthday, they made a surprise for me at buddies.. n that was when SENIOR came in the picture.. he came all the way to cyber, just to see me, n give me roses n chocs for me... how sweet is that.. n that made me a little bit restless after SENIOR went back, because i was hoping that the guy that i was liking would do something sweet for me.. bt then, it ended up, that SENIOR guy was making the move.. huhuhu..

HOWEVER..... after the surprise, when we were going back to the hostel, with only kem, me n that guy in the car, that guy told me that he wanted to talk to me n just hang out a little bit more with me before i went back to the hostel.. i'm so fine with it, because i can sense he wanted to tell me something even before we're going back to the hostel.. so, after sending off kem to the hostel, we head off to oldtown, only th two of us.. n that was around 4 in the morning.. i can sense that he was restless at the time.. but i was just keeping my cool, n i didn't say anything much.. hihi..


after almost one hour of being restless n me just keeping my cool,(lol), he blurted it out.. he wanted to make it official between us n he wanted to make me his special someone.. hihihihihiihihihhi.. n guess what's my answer is....


OF COURSE I'LL SAY YES!!!!!! hahahhaa.. but i jus didn't tell him directly, i wrote it on the oldtown ordering paper n gave it to him... hik2.. how sweet can i be..???? lol


so, yeah i can soooo name him now... he's my BOOBOO!!!!! hahaha.. finally we're officially together.. n after 1050 days of being single, i finally met my knight in shining armour @ hero @ edward cullen, whichever i prefer like calling.. lol..


of course i'm sooo totally into him!!! for me, the great thins about being with him is that we love each other n stuff, but we still have other responsibilities and things to do apart from being together.. that is the one thing that i was finding really hard in any guy that i met.. cos i'm not a clingy person, n i sooo do not want a clingy bf..so, yeah, he fits in perfectly... n I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!! hihihi.. we've been on this road together for 1 month plus now, it's still a very raw n fresh relationships, so yeah everything is still sailing smoothly n hoping it'll stay like that.. ihihi..


n that's one of the best story to wrap up 2009.... eventhough it contradicts my 2009's resolution, which was to not go looking for a bf, but hey, i'm super..super..happy about it...

hoping that i will keep updating my blog from now on.. lol..

-the end-

LOVING U MY BOOBOO!(u know who u r) =)